[Spoken Word] Female Therapist: Hello, welcome. What brings you in today? Female Client: My family thinks I'm crazy. Female Therapist: Why do they think you're crazy? Female Client: Because I talk to my plants. Female Therapist: Okay. Do you talk to them often? Female Client: Every day. Female Therapist: And what do you talk about? Female Client: Mostly their problems. Female Therapist: Their problems? Female Client: Yes. Female Therapist: What kind of problems does a plant have? Female Client: You'd be surprised. Female Therapist: Okay... Let's start with one. Female Client: My fern is having a difficult time. Female Therapist: Why? Female Client: She feels like nobody notices her. Female Therapist: She? Female Client: Yes. Female Therapist: You gave your fern a gender? Female Client: She told me. Female Therapist: She told you? Female Client: Yes. Female Therapist: How? Female Client: She was very clear about it. Female Therapist: How exactly? Female Client: She leaned toward the window. Female Therapist: That's because plants grow toward the light. Female Client: That's what she wants you to think. Female Therapist: Okay. Female Client: My cactus is worse. Female Therapist: What's wrong with your cactus? Female Client: Anger issues. Female Therapist: Your cactus has anger issues? Female Client: Definitely. Female Therapist: How do you know? Female Client: Have you ever tried hugging one? Female Therapist: No. Female Client: Exactly. Female Therapist: Do your plants actually talk to you? Female Client: Not with words. Female Therapist: Then how do you communicate? Female Client: Body language. Female Therapist: They're plants. Female Client: Exactly. You have to pay attention. Female Therapist: So you interpret their movements? Female Client: Yes. Female Therapist: And what does this fern say? Female Client: She wants more sunlight. Female Therapist: That's not communication. That's photosynthesis. Female Client: She hates when people call it that. Female Therapist: Of course she does. Female Client: You don't believe me. Female Therapist: I'm trying very hard to understand you. Female Client: That's all I ask. Female Therapist: Do you have any other plants? Female Client: Yes. Female Therapist: How many? Female Client: Forty-seven. Female Therapist: Forty-seven? Female Client: Fifty-two if you count the herbs. Female Therapist: You have fifty-two plants? Female Client: Sixty-three. Female Therapist: You just said fifty-two. Female Client: I bought eleven on the way here. Female Therapist: Why? Female Client: They needed me. Female Therapist: They needed you? Female Client: One of them was crying. Female Therapist: A plant was crying? Female Client: It had a brown leaf. Female Therapist: That's not crying. Female Client: That's exactly what someone who doesn't listen to plants would say. Female Therapist: Okay, let me ask you something. Female Client: Sure. Female Therapist: Do your plants ever disagree with each other? Female Client: Constantly. Female Therapist: How do you handle that? Female Client: I separate them. Female Therapist: You separate them? Female Client: Yes. The peace lily cannot be in the same room as the cactus. Female Therapist: Why? Female Client: They had a fight. Female Therapist: What did they fight about? Female Client: Water. Female Therapist: That actually makes sense. Female Client: See? You're starting to understand. Female Therapist: I'm not sure that's what you should take from this. Female Client: My therapist says I'm perfectly normal. Female Therapist: I'm your therapist. Female Client: Exactly. Female Therapist: I didn't say that. Female Client: You will. Female Therapist: Okay, we're done. Female Client: Can I bring my fern next time? Female Therapist: No. Female Client: She has something she'd like to discuss with you. Female Therapist: Absolutely not. Female Client: She's already outside. Female Therapist: What? Female Client: I told her to wait in the car. Female Therapist: You brought your fern here? Female Client: She insisted. Female Therapist: Plants don't insist. Female Client: That's what she wants you to think. Female Therapist: Session over. Female Client: Fine. Female Therapist: Thank you. Female Client: She says you're rude. Female Therapist: Tell her she's not getting a second appointment. Female Client: She says that's okay. Female Therapist: Good. Female Client: She already booked one. Female Therapist: ... Female Client: She can be very persuasive. Female Therapist: I need therapy.
