[Intro] Sweden. I've been looking into you. ...you make this very easy. [Glitched Female Backing Vocals] Ha—ha. [Verse 1] You don't like confrontation You prefer a little space Someone steals your laundry slot You won't say it to their face You'll wait until they're gone Then the pen comes out instead Pin a note up in the hallway Polite enough to sound like a threat [Spoken, Off-Mic] "Could whoever used the laundry room please respect the booking time." No name. No accusation. But Sweden is fucking pissed. [Female Backing Vocals] Ha... ha. [Pre-Chorus] So calm So reasonable So painfully polite You could probably start a fight with "Have a lovely night." [Chorus] Oh, Sweden Don't explain it Every time you do it somehow gets worse Keep it lagom Keep it proper Keep that straight face if you want I barely had to dig at all You keep making my fucking point. [Post-Chorus] Tack. Very helpful. [Verse 2] Then somebody made some coffee put a cinnamon bun beside it Sweden looked at taking a break and thought— [Spoken, Off-Mic] We should formalize it. So now it's morning fika then another one at three coffee on the table everybody knows where to be There's a word for the occasion there's a rhythm to the day you took sitting down for coffee and made it a national trait. [Spoken, Off-Mic] It's coffee and cake, Sweden. You can just call it what it is— A break. [Glitched Female Backing Vocals] Ha-ha / ha—ha [Spoken, Dry] Sorry. [Chorus] Oh oh, Sweden Don't explain it Every time you do it somehow gets worse Keep it lagom Keep it proper Keep that straight face if you want I barely had to dig at all You keep making my fucking point. [Verse 3] Then midsummer hits and the factory settings disappear Same quiet people now there's flowers behind their ears Pour the schnapps start the singing Lars has finally found his voice Find a pole form a circle Nobody questions this at all. Hands by your head hopping like frogs everybody fully committed Six months avoiding eye contact— and this is where you lose your dignity? [Chopped Female Backing Vocals] Ha-ha-ha-ha— [Break] Wait. Talking to strangers? Uncomfortable. Standing too close? Absolutely not. Flowers on your head schnapps in your hand jumping like a frog around a giant pole? ... Tradition. Right. [Final Chorus] Oh oh, Sweden Don't explain it You've already done enough Keep it lagom keep it proper keep that Swedish face in place I barely had to dig at all You keep making my fucking point. [Backing Vocals] Ha—ha. [Pause] Thanks. [Outro] There is one problem, though. Apparently Swedes are pretty hard to offend. Which is fucking inconvenient. I've done three verses. Nothing. Maybe Denmark can't win this one. ... Unless— I walk straight past you to the front of the queue. ... Oh. There they are. [Pause] Found the fucking button.
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