Verse 1 Walked in the tavern, axe on my back Floorboards creaked like they knew what was next Cleric said “maybe we talk this out?” I laughed so hard I nearly knocked a wall out Saw a goblin twitch, saw red instead Hit it so hard now it’s conceptually dead Mage yelled “WAIT—” but I heard “GO” And now there’s teeth embedded in the ceiling joists, so Pre-Chorus Plan? Nah. Strategy? Swing faster. Chorus If it moved, I hit it If it screamed, I hit it twice If it begged for mercy I introduced it to my fucking axe If it bled, I won If it didn’t, I swung again That’s tactics, that’s combat And that’s why we’re alive, my friends Verse 2 Goblin cave smelled like fear and piss That’s how you know you’re doing this right, bitch Rogue vanished—coward or genius? Doesn’t matter, I’m already mid-genius Mage nuked the left wall, I took the right Cleric’s yelling numbers, something about “hit points” I lost a boot, someone lost a face Honestly unclear whose blood’s on my waist Pre-Chorus Hear screaming That’s good Means enemies Or allies—still good Chorus If it moved, I hit it If it crawled, I stomped it flat If it was technically friendly Oops—shouldn’t have been in my arc If it flew, I threw shit If it lived, I chased it down You don’t need healing If there’s nothing left around Bridge (chanty, crowd shouting) WHO NEEDS A PLAN? —NOT ME! WHO NEEDS SPELLS? —AXE IS FREE! WHO BROKE THE ALTAR? —PROBABLY ME! I didn’t start the fire— Okay I did But it was cool Final Chorus (faster, drunker) If it moved, I hit it Now buy me drinks ‘cause I carried the fight Cleric’s mad, mage is smoking Rogue’s got pockets full of someone’s life If we’re banned from temples That’s fine, I pray with my fists Raise a mug to poor decisions— And hitting first, forever, no regrets, bitch Outro So here’s to glory, guts, and scars And that one time I broke a bar If tomorrow we’re wanted dead— I’ll hit that problem in the head.
