Let's discuss the sentinel who stands upon the bridge, Odin's gilded door-spy posted on the rainbow ridge. He's got a horn to blow, a sad and shiny cone, The Gjallahorn? Gjally-horn? That pointless, squeaking bone. A party-tooter for a bouncer, standing all alone, Guarding his own shadow from a threat that's never known. He's the universe's party pooper, a cosmic, golden sigh, The hall monitor who kills the fun as chaos passes by. Oh, Heimdallr, you golden prick, you sanctimonious bore! The universe's most dedicated, over-glossy door! Your only purpose is to stare into the void so black! You're the cosmic equivalent of a permanent back crack! A missing father's common, even somewhat chic, But a committee of nine moms is fundamentally weak. A social climber hopped on cosmic energy drinks, He thinks his senses are so sharp, it makes the universe blink. He claims he hears a field mouse fart from miles and miles away, The man just needs a hobby, it's a tragically wasted day. Oh, Heimdallr, you golden prick, you sanctimonious bore! The universe's most dedicated, over-glossy door! Your only purpose is to stare into the void so black! You're the cosmic equivalent of a permanent back crack! Remember our wet little chase, that aquatic, silly fight? You, a soggy seal, retrieving what you thought was right. You think that I forgot that slight, that it's been shelved and stored? My dear, it's been on file and meticulously adored. When Yggdrasil begins to shake and your long watch concludes, I'll be there to take my laughter back from your "noble" interlude. So raise a glass to Asgard's buzzkill, the try-hard in the gleam! The cosmic fun-police who ruins every godly scheme! You're the golden flaw, the glorious snore, a sentinel of spite! But I'm the headline and the hero who will end the night! So stand your post and count the grass, you magnificent plain tool! I'm the punchline and the poet who will overrule! This was my donation to your auditory despair, A masterpiece to save your mind from its monotonous affair. I knew you'd hear each word I sang, your curse was my design, This song's the highlight of your life, every single line. The echo of my genius is the only thing you'll keep, Now enjoy the silence, golden fool. I have promises to keep.
