[Intro Spoken] [バーテンダー] いらっしゃいませ 政治 宗教 プロ野球 バーで振ってはいけない 三つの話題 ですが当店には それらを遥かに凌駕する “第4のタブー”がございます 『ガンダム』です 彼らは普段 理性的な大人の顔で 静かにグラスを傾けている だが一度 誰かがその名を口にすれば 店内は一年戦争より長い戦場と化すのです [Verse 1 - 宇宙世紀勢] カウンター右端 紫煙くゆらす古参兵 宇宙世紀至上主義 亡霊みたいな紳士たち 「ニュータイプとは何か」で 開店から閉店まで永久機関 富野メモと設定資料 聖典みたいに抱え込み “人は分かり合える”と言いながら 解釈違いで三時間は戦争する [Pre-Chorus - SEED勢] 中央席には 絶対触るな SEED勢 最大派閥にして 最大火薬庫 映画で泣いた派 脚本にキレた派 デスティニー再評価派で 既に内戦状態 「自由だ」「正義だ」「愛だ」と叫びながら 今日も同じ作品内で全面戦争 ナチュラルとコーディネイターより先に まずファン同士が分かり合えない [Chorus] Don't Shake! カクテルは振っても Don't Shake! 話題は振るな! 政治も宗教も野球も ここでは前座に過ぎない 迂闊な一言 不用意な解釈 それだけで店が戦場になる! ガノタ界隈 底なしの宇宙 その一言が 臨界点を突破する! [Verse 2 - 外伝勢] 店の奥 度数だけ高い酒を舐める外伝勢 08小隊の局地戦描写に脳を焼かれ 監督交代の空気を今も許していない ジャズが流れりゃサンダーボルト宙域 センチネル語り出した時点で もう止まらない 「EXAMが呼んでいる」 その一言だけで通じ合う重症患者たち [Bridge - Gガンダム勢] その時 扉ごと吹き飛ばし現れる Gガンダム勢! 「ガンダムファイト! レディィィィ・ゴォォォ!!」 素手でモビルスーツを叩き割る師匠! 突然始まるゲルマン流忍術! 説明してる奴から置いていかれる世界観! 常識? 設定? デビルガンダム!? そんなものは ラ ブ ラ ブ 天 驚 拳 で 消 し 飛 ん だ !! [Breakdown] 宇宙世紀勢 「結局ニュータイプって何なんだ!」 SEED勢 「いや脚本の問題だろ!」 外伝勢 「EXAMシステムは悲劇性がだな……!」 東方不敗 「だからお前はアホなのだァァ!!」 飛び交う名言! 止まらない解釈論! ミームと思想が乱れ飛ぶ! このままでは店そのものが アクシズと共に落下してしまう!! [Quiet Spoken] 見かねた私は 静かにシェイカーを置いた 争いを鎮めるため バーテンダーとして 最も純粋で 最も悪意のない “たった一言”を口にした―― [Stop] 「まぁつまりガンダムって――」 [Spoken] 「子供向けのロボットアニメが 戦争ごっこしてるだけなんですよね?」 [Silence] 宇宙世紀勢「……は?」 SEED勢「今なんつった?」 外伝勢「……てめぇ」 Gガンダム勢 「左手ゴッドフィンガーが卑怯だとぉー!?!!?」 [Shout - 全ガノタ] 「「「表へ出ろォォォォォ!!!!」」」 [End] # DON'T SHAKE! - The 4th Taboo: GUNDAM [Intro Spoken] Welcome. Politics, Religion, and Baseball. The three topics you should never bring up in a bar. But in this place, there exists a "Fourth Taboo" far more dangerous than all the others. 『Gundam』. Most of them usually sit here quietly, sipping their drinks like perfectly rational adults. But the moment someone says that name... This bar becomes a battlefield longer than the One Year War. --- [Verse 1 - UC Purists] At the far end of the counter, old veterans surrounded by cigarette smoke. Universal Century elitists... ghosts clinging to the past. Debating "What exactly is a Newtype?" from opening time to last call—an endless loop. Holding Tomino notes and lore books like sacred scripture. Preaching, "Humanity can understand one another," while starting a three-hour war over different interpretations. --- [Pre-Chorus - SEED Faction] At the center booths: absolutely do NOT provoke the SEED fans. The biggest faction. And the biggest powder keg. The "cried during the movie" faction, the "hated the script" faction, the "Destiny was actually good" faction... They're already in a civil war. Shouting "Freedom!" "Justice!" "Love!" while fighting full-scale wars inside their own fandom. Even before Naturals and Coordinators... the fans themselves can't understand each other. --- [Chorus] Don't Shake! You can shake the cocktail, Don't Shake! But never shake the topic! Politics, Religion, and Sports are nothing compared to this. One careless comment. One reckless interpretation. That's all it takes to turn the entire bar into a warzone! The Gundam fandom is a bottomless universe. One single sentence can push everything past the critical point! --- [Verse 2 - OVA / Military Nerd Faction] In the back of the bar, the spin-off faction quietly sips dangerously strong liquor. Their brains permanently altered by the gritty ground combat of The 08th MS Team. Still unable to forgive the mid-season director change. The moment jazz starts playing, their minds drift into the Thunderbolt Sector. And once somebody mentions Gundam Sentinel... it's over. "EXAM is calling me..." Just that single phrase is enough for these terminal patients to understand each other. --- [Bridge - G Gundam Faction] Then suddenly— the doors explode open as the G Gundam faction arrives! "GUNDAM FIGHT! READY... GO!!" Master Asia destroying Mobile Suits with his bare hands! German Ninja techniques appearing out of nowhere! A universe where logic gets completely left behind! Common sense? Lore consistency? Devil Gundam?! None of that matters anymore! It all gets obliterated by the SEKIHA LOVE-LOVE TENKYOKEN!! --- [Breakdown] "So what the hell IS a Newtype?!" "No, the SCRIPT was the problem!" "The tragedy of the EXAM system is—" "THIS IS WHY YOU ARE A FOOL!!" Iconic quotes flying everywhere! Interpretation wars escalating endlessly! Memes and ideologies colliding head-on! At this rate, the entire bar is going to crash into Earth along with Axis!! --- [Quiet Spoken] Unable to watch the chaos any longer, I quietly set down my shaker. As a bartender, I offered the purest most innocent completely harmless "single concluding remark." --- [Final Spoken] "So basically... Gundam is—" [BGM STOP] "Just a kids' cartoon about giant robots fighting wars, right?" --- [Silence] UC Faction "...Excuse me?" SEED Faction "What did you just say?" OVA Faction "...You bastard." G Gundam Faction "ARE YOU SAYING THE LEFT-HAND GOD FINGER WAS CHEATING?!?!" --- [Shout - Entire Gundam Fandom] "TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!!!!"
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