[Style: Fast, upbeat comedic folk metal; lively female folk lead vocals; galloping distorted guitars, pounding double-bass drums, prominent fiddle, mandolin and whistles. Huge rowdy tavern-style singalong chorus. Feature an extended dueling folk violin and neoclassical electric guitar solo with increasingly fast call-and-response runs, sweep arpeggios, harmonized leads and a blazing unison finale.] [Verse 1 – Female Folk Vocal – Start Immediately] The dungeon bell struck twelve o’clock, The torture racks went still, The ogres dropped their morning clubs, The trolls came down the hill. The goblins formed a lunchroom line, The orcs all grabbed their trays, For dwarf-filled quesadillas Were the special of the day! The lich brought out the napkins, The cyclops poured the ale, A minotaur came running in And nearly lost his tail. They crowded round the table As the cook began to shout— [Dungeon Cook – Spoken] “GET ’EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT!” [Monster – Spoken] “Any vegetarian?” [Dungeon Cook – Spoken] “NO!” [Pre-Chorus – Female Folk Vocal] So pull yourself a chair up, Grab a platter, grab a plate! Lunch is only half an hour— And the ogres never wait! [Chorus – Huge Monster Singalong] DWARF QUESADILLAS ! Golden, crisp and hot! WIZARD POT PIES! Give us all you’ve got! TACO DE CLERICS! Pass another tray! It’s lunchtime in the dungeon— And we’re eating well today! DWARF QUESADILLAS ! Hear the monsters roar! Pour another elf-shake— THEN BRING US TWENTY MORE! [Verse 2 – Female Folk Vocal] The goblins shared a burrito Stuffed with fighter à la king, The gelatinous cube ordered soup— [Brief Pause] Which seemed a little thing. The vampire had a wizard pie With gravy on his sleeve, The mummy ordered ranger rolls And asked for extra cheese. A kobold grabbed a cleric taco, Took one enormous bite, Then shouted to the kitchen— [Kobold – Spoken] “THIS ONE TASTES TOO RIGHTEOUS!” [Dungeon Cook – Spoken] “Try the salsa.” [Kobold – Spoken] “Oh. That’s better.” [Pre-Chorus – Female Folk Vocal] There were paladins in pastries, There were rogues inside the stew, And something called a “Bard Surprise”— [Monster – Spoken, Suspicious] “What’s the surprise?” [Dungeon Cook – Spoken] “He won’t stop singing.” [Chorus – Huge Monster Singalong] DWARF QUESADILLAS ! Golden, crisp and hot! WIZARD POT PIES! Give us all you’ve got! TACO DE CLERICS! Pass another tray! It’s lunchtime in the dungeon— And we’re eating well today! DWARF QUESADILLAS ! Raise your glasses high! Wash it down with elf-shakes And a slice of rogue pot pie! [Instrumental Break – Dueling Violin & Neoclassical Guitar] [Violin begins with a blistering folk melody] [Electric guitar answers with a rapid neoclassical run] [Violin responds faster] [Guitar answers with sweeping arpeggios] [Rapid violin/guitar call-and-response] [Both accelerate into harmonized high-speed runs] [Blazing synchronized unison finale] [Verse 3 – Female Folk Vocal – Full Band Returns] At last the plates were empty, Every monster leaned back full, The troll unbuckled both his belts, The ogre scratched his skull. The goblins stacked the dishes, The dragon drained his cup— [Dragon – Spoken] “Anyone want dessert?” [Entire Table – Shouting] “SHUT UP!” The cyclops found a broadsword And began to pick his teeth, The minotaur used someone’s lance To reach the ones beneath. A goblin used a wizard’s staff, An ogre grabbed a spear— [Monster – Spoken] “Has anybody seen my sword?” [Brief Pause] [Ogre – Spoken, Mouth Full] “…No.” [Bridge – Building Faster] Raise your mugs! Raise your forks! Let the dungeon rafters ring! Every monster gets an hour For a proper lunchroom fling! But somewhere down the corridor Came footsteps drawing near… The monsters stopped. The cook looked up. Four adventurers appeared. [Wizard – Shouting] “I CAST—!” [Fighter – Spoken] “DON’T.” [Long Pause] [Wizard – Quietly] “…dessert?” [Monster – Spoken] “Oooooh.” [Final Chorus – Full Band, Double-Time] DWARF QUESADILLAS ! Back around they go! WIZARD POT PIES! Everybody grab some dough! TACO DE CLERICS! Set another place! There’s always room for seconds When adventure shows its face! DWARF QUESADILLAS! Hear the dungeon sing! Sharpen up the carving knives And let the dinner bell ring! DWARF QUESADILLAS ! Lunch is nearly through! [Music Stops] [Dungeon Cook – Spoken] “Wait… weren’t there FOUR of you?” [Wizard – Distant Voice] “I CAST RUNNING AWAY!”
