Citizens... Today we embrace the philosophy of... The Batter. We are making Chicken Fried Steak. First... The Sourcing. Do not buy a prime fillet for this... That is a waste of aristocracy... We want chicken breast... but we commit necessary violence... wrap it. The meat must be beaten... tenderized... humbled... to become a steak. It must be flat... It must be wide. It is the shield of the plate. Now... The Jalapeños. We want a binary attack... Red and Green... Slice them open... lengthways. Remove the seeds, But do not throw them away, We do not waste ammunition. Put them in the Mortar... Grind them with the Pestle. Crush them into invisible fire. The Dredging. This is where the battle is won or lost. Take your flour... and mix in the ground seeds... This dust, itself, is a weapon. The Rule of Three. Spicy Flour... Egg Wash... Spicy Flour again... Bread-crumbs instead, if you desire. Listen to me... When you roll the Jalapeños.... pack the flour into the cut... It acts as the mortar. You are welding the door shut with... dangerous... carbohydrate.... do not touch your eyes or your face, I will not pity you. The meat... and half of the Asparagus... receive the same treatment. Batter them... They are going into the deep dark. Now... The Asparagus Strategy. We are doing two things at once. Separate the platoon. Squad A... The Infantry... Oil... Salt... Pepper. Throw them on the Grill... High heat. We want charred marks... We want the taste of smoke and carbon. Squad B... The Cavalry. Battered... Fried... Golden... Crisp. Do not overcook them... A limp spear is a morale failure. The Assembly. Back to the steak... fry the chicken... this won't take long... be vigilant. When fried, let it rest for two minutes on paper, absorb the excess oil from the fry, we want the crust dry outside and the meat moist inside... Now the tower itself needs building... This requires engineering. Lay down the Grilled Asparagus first... horizontal.. They are the raft... The smoky foundation. Place the Fried Asparagus... on top... vertical... Cross-hatch pattern. Why? Because now... we apply the Garlic Butter. Place a pat of butter on the hot, fried summit. Watch physics do the work... The butter melts... runs through the golden crust... drips down onto the grilled spears below. It is a cascade of victory. The Main Event. Place the Chicken Fried Steak next to the tower. Compared to the tower, it should be the size of a continent. And finally... The White Flag. Cream Gravy. Pan drippings... white wine... flour whisked with milk in a small cup... excessive amounts of black pepper.... stir, do not make lumps... if there are lumps, I will be disappointed. Do not disappoint me. Pour this sauce over the steak. Do not drown the asparagus... Keep the structures distinct. Eat the grenades first... The Red... then The Green.... feel the molten cheese coat your tongue... Wake up the palate... Feel the heat in the crust. Then... citizen... demolish the tower. You may need a nap afterwards... yes? Very well... this is authorized. Carry on.
