"Non-Zero Chance" (Verse 1) He flew in from the States, sunglasses on, A blade in his coat and a bad omens song. Said “Konichiwa, peasants,” as he stepped off the plane, His aura was fire, his bowel… less tame. ⸻ (Verse 2) Now Trevor the Blade, slicer of fools, Doesn’t care for maps or temple rules. He walks where he wants, like a man on a quest, With ramen in belly and swords on his chest. ⸻ (Chorus) There’s a non-zero chance—he’ll poop on a shrine, Not on purpose, no, but still not fine. He might think it’s forest, or a “zen place to go,” While the kami up high just whisper, “やめてよ…” There’s a non-zero chance—he’ll defile the land, Katana in one, toilet paper in hand. He’s a storm in geta, a rogue in Japan, And his digestive system… was never the plan. ⸻ (Verse 3) They warned him in customs, “Behave like a guest,” He said “I bow to no god unless he’s impressed.” He mistook the honden for a rustic latrine, Now ghosts of the shogun are starting to scream. ⸻ (Bridge) He once cut a man just for slurping too loud, Now he squats like a tanuki, unbowed and proud. But deep in the woods, where the moss runs thick, He’s hunted by monks with a prayer and a stick. ⸻ (Chorus) There’s a non-zero chance—it’s not just a tale, He’ll drop sacred deuces and slip into jail. He’ll claim it’s performance, call it “shamanic release,” But the shrine priest says, “We just wanted peace.” ⸻ (Outro – Spoken, dramatic echo) So if you’re in Japan and the wind starts to dance… Beware the Blade. There’s a non-zero chance.
