Verse 1] Went down to the grocery store For milk and eggs and bread Cashier rang three bags up I thought I’d fucking misheard what she said Bacon costs a fortune Coffee thinks it’s wine Bag got smaller, price got bigger Guess that’s progress working fine Filled the truck up halfway Watched the numbers climb Pump asked if I wanted a receipt Nah, I don’t need evidence of the crime [Pre-Chorus] Paycheck hit this morning Hell, I felt rich at ten Paid three goddamn bills Now I’m fucking broke again [Chorus] WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! My paycheck came! AND MY PAYCHECK WENT! Don’t know where the motherfucker went BUT I KNOW IT’S FUCKING SPENT! Got a roof Got a truck Got enough to almost get by WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS SHIT? Somebody tell me ‘CAUSE IT SURE AS FUCK AIN’T I [Verse 2] Took myself to dinner Thought I’d live a little bit Seventeen-dollar hamburger Didn’t come with fucking shit Added fries for five bucks Three-fifty for a Coke Then the little screen spun around And that’s when I damn near choked EIGHTEEN! TWENTY! TWENTY-FIVE! For handing me a fucking cup? I hit “no tip,” grabbed my food And prayed they wouldn’t fuck it up Got six streaming services Nothing worth watching on Every one was eight bucks Now they’re twenty fucking one Insurance raised my premium Power bill joined in Apparently breathing indoor air Is luxury living now, my friend [Pre-Chorus] Paycheck hit this morning Hell, I felt rich at ten Bought groceries and some gasoline Now I’m fucking broke again [Chorus] WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! My paycheck came! AND MY PAYCHECK WENT! Don’t know where the motherfucker went BUT I KNOW IT’S FUCKING SPENT! Got a roof Got a truck Got enough to almost get by WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS SHIT? Somebody tell me ‘CAUSE IT SURE AS FUCK AIN’T I [Bridge] Remember when twenty bucks Could accidentally be in your jeans? You’d find that bastard doing laundry And feel like fucking royalty? Now I find twenty dollars And think Well That’s almost lunch And everything’s got a goddamn membership Want your car washed? MEMBERSHIP! Want cheaper groceries? MEMBERSHIP! Want free delivery? MEMBERSHIP! Want to watch one fucking football game? THREE MEMBERSHIPS! And why the fuck Does my refrigerator Need a subscription? IT KEEPS THINGS COLD! [Breakdown] RENT! UP! GROCERIES! UP! INSURANCE! UP! POWER! UP! PAYCHECK! Anybody? PAYCHECK! NOT ENOUGH! [Final Chorus] WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! My paycheck came! AND MY PAYCHECK WENT! Don’t know where the motherfucker went BUT I KNOW IT’S FUCKING SPENT! I’m not buying yachts I’m not drinking champagne I’m buying fucking toilet paper And I’m somehow feeling pain WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS? NOT ME! I worked all week I got paid on Friday AND BY SATURDAY MORNING THE MOTHERFUCKER’S GONE ANYWAY [Outro] Milk Eggs Bread Gas Insurance Electric Phone Internet FUCK! Anybody got twenty bucks?
