___ / __| \__ \ |___/ UNO / __| \__ \ |___/ ONG / __| | (__ \___| ONTEST ( _ ) / _ \ \___/ // Germany K.P. Diem - I Googled Myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This song shines a light on things that might happen if you google yourself? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Verse 1 Tuesday night, blue light glow, caffeine past its prime, I typed my name in lowercase like I was killing time. First hit: LinkedIn doppelgänger, better jawline, better plan, Runs marathons, leads wind farms, speaks three tongues, I barely can. I chuckle, not offended, just impressed by nomenclature, My name’s out there multitasking, mine prefers its comfort nature. Pre-Chorus Apparently my vowels are more ambitious than my spine, Same letters, different futures, alphabetically aligned. Chorus I googled myself very carefully, Like defusing a bomb made of ego and shame. Turns out my name’s been living other lifes without me, Honestly? Good for my name. Verse 2 Scroll down, archaeology, digital sediment, Forum post from 2012, confidence with no permit. I explain why something “can’t scale”, very calm, very sure, It scaled globally by breakfast, now it’s printed on a tour. I nod like a scholar reviewing ancient flawed hypotheses, I wasn’t wrong, I was early, which is wrong with footnotes and prophecies. Pre-Chorus Time’s a savage editor, cuts nuance for a joke, Leaves your certainty intact while your relevance goes broke. Chorus I googled myself irresponsibly, Like a raccoon in a dumpster labeled “context”. Every sentence I once trusted implicitly Now comes with a helpful asterisk. Verse 3 Found a quote with my name on it, viral, sharp, and clean: “Progress starts when comfort quits.” I never said that thing. But I stare at it lovingly, like a child I didn’t raise, Do I adopt it retroactively? Ethically? On weekdays? Authorship’s a social construct, impact’s harder to dispute, I let the sentence keep my name, it’s doing better in a suit. Bridge Ads start pivoting, laser-guided empathy, Books on existential risk and tasteful minimum anxiety. “Letting Go Without Leaving”, “Overthinking, But Sustainably”, Okay, browser, I get it, stop narrating me so accurately. Verse 4 PDF from a conference, page 38, small font, My name used as an example, no applause, no confront. “Informal knowledge vector”, footnote, not a quote, I’m not an argument, I’m data wearing someone else’s coat. Then a blogpost thanks me for a comment I forgot, “One line changed how I solve things.” Cool. When? Where? What? Influence without memory feels illegal, softly divine, Like I tipped the universe and didn’t check the sign. Chorus I googled myself professionally, Detached, amused, clinically warm. Turns out I exist most effectively As a pattern that survived the storm. Verse 5 Another me, same birthday, Portugal, makes art, Interview headline reads: “I Stopped Optimizing My Heart.” I reread it three times, not ‘cause it’s unclear, But because my calendar just felt personally attacked with fear. I scroll past carefully, like a door I won’t unlock, Some lives are parallel for a reason, some just like to mock. Final Chorus I googled myself existentially, Didn’t find a core, found approximations. I’m a cluster with moods and tendencies, A beta release with patchy documentation. Outro So I close the laptop, feeling wiser, feeling small, When my phone lights up brightly with a calendar call: “Reminder: Update your online presence.” I laugh. Dark. Apparently the only version of me That’s falling behind Is the one that knows too much To stay searchable.
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