[Intro – Whispered, clock ticking] Fifteen million seven hundred sixty-eight thousand seventeen seconds. Two hundred sixty-two thousand eight hundred minutes. Four thousand three hundred eighty hours. One hundred eighty-two days. Twenty-six weeks. Six months. And somehow it still sounds too long. [Verse One – Melodic rap] I keep breaking down the number like it'll break the pain, But a second's still a second when you're waiting just the same. They tell me it'll get smaller, like that means it's getting light, But I can hear the clock get louder every single night. My sweet little boy, I wonder what you look like now, If your hair has grown, if you've learned to make another sound. If those beautiful blue eyes still get that serious look, Like you're reading every page in a world you haven't understood. Part of me hopes you forgot me, and I hate that it's true, 'Cause maybe then the empty space wouldn't hurt as much for you. But the other part is terrified you'll look into my face, And see a stranger where your daddy used to have a place. [Pre-Chorus] Six months, maybe seven, I can't decide how this will go. All I know is I keep counting Every second moving slow. [Chorus – Melodic] Six months, six months, I'm counting every second, And the smaller that the number gets, the heavier it feels. I never knew how long a minute was until I had to live one Knowing every little moment that I miss is something real. Six months, six months, I'd give anything to hold you, But I'll earn the chance to know you, even if we have to start anew. If you need a little distance, I'll be right there when you're ready. I have all the time in the world for you. [Verse Two – Warm] I remember tiny fingers locking tight around my own, Like you didn't need a sentence just to tell me I was home. You'd wrap your little arms around me when I held you on my chest, And for once the world went quiet, like it finally let me rest. You would work so hard at something, then we'd clap and say your name, And your whole face would light up, then you'd go and try again. I told my dad about that smile and how you wouldn't let it go; He laughed and said, "That's you all over, back when you were small." That little face you made while trying to understand a thing, The way you'd stop and study it, then suddenly you'd grin. I saw myself reflected in the way you wanted more; How'd I miss the greatest treasure while I searched behind another door? [Verse Three – Faster rap] I missed you turning one, might miss the day you're turning two, Another birthday without me standing somewhere next to you. At least I had your first Christmas, I can picture it so clear, And now another one's approaching and I might not be there. And your dad made bad decisions, that belongs to me alone. Your mama needed safety, needed peace inside her home. She was trying to protect you, and herself from what went wrong; I can say I love you both and still admit the harm I've done. I know she's giving kisses, making sure you're tucked in tight, I know she's holding you and keeping all the monsters out at night. I know you're making her laugh, and when the hard days come around, I hope your little smile reminds her there is still some solid ground. [Chorus – Strings] Six months, six months, I'm counting every second, And the smaller that the number gets, the heavier it feels. I never knew how long a minute was until I had to live one Knowing every little moment that I miss is something real. Six months, six months, I can't rush the day I hold you, And I won't rush you either, if you need to find your way. I'll meet you with the same smile and let you choose the distance. I can wait a little longer on that day. [Bridge – Spoken, intimate] And maybe when you're older, I'll see you with your friends, And I'll call you little Bubely, like I did way back then. You'll say, "Dad, not now! You're embarrassing me!" And I'll laugh at how a nickname can outlive your dignity. Oh, little Spency boy, you don't owe me that scene. I'm just holding on to moments that I hope we'll get to see. And you don't owe me comfort, and you don't owe me a smile. I'll do the work of showing up, however long it takes this time. [Verse Four – Low, almost a whisper] And when you're old enough to ask me why I wasn't there, I won't try to hide the truth or make excuses disappear. You deserved a dad who showed up, not a promise or a plea; I'll spend my days becoming one, and let you judge that when you see. [Outro – Everything drops except the clock] You were safe inside my arms. I was safe when I held you. I wish I'd known that safety was a promise to live up to. I left your mama in the cold, like ice across the floor, And you became her little light when I couldn't give her warmth. The moments that flew past me are the moments that I mourn. Now I count the ones between us while another day is born. Daddy loves you, Spency. My little Bubely Four thousand three hundred eighty hours to go.
