Been showing up a little more Still sit close to the back Funny how I can hear "forgiven" and immediately think Yeah, but— There it is. Go ahead. Tell them the rest. Tell them what you laughed at when laughing was easier than thinking Tell them what stopped bothering you Tell them how normal it got I remember. That's not the same as being sorry. I keep waiting for the catch The part they forgot to mention Somewhere underneath the promise there's gotta be an exception I keep looking for the fine print Something saying this ain't mine Some little line beneath the mercy with my name crossed out beside it You keep reading me the worst parts like they're all I'll ever be But lately when you finish talking I don't agree as easily Some nights I still hear the jokes The ones that got us through Stuff you'd never say back home Stuff nobody should get used to Faces I quit reacting to Things I learned not to feel There. That's you. Not me. Not war. You. Maybe. Maybe? You think walking through those doors makes any of that disappear? No. I don't think it's supposed to. I used to think remembering meant I had to stay condemned Sounds fair to me. Yeah. That's why you like it. I keep looking for the fine print Something saying this ain't mine Some little line beneath the mercy with my name crossed out beside it You keep reading me the worst parts like they're all I'll ever be But lately when you finish talking I don't agree as easily READ IT AGAIN THE NIGHTS THE NAMES THE THINGS YOU SAID THE WAY YOU LEARNED TO LIVE WITH DEATH YOU WANT CLEAN HANDS? LOOK AT THEM. YOU WANT FORGIVENESS? FOR WHAT? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START. Maybe I don't have to. Guy at church told me once "You don't clean yourself up before you take a shower." I laughed at him Told him that was a pretty stupid comparison He said "Yeah. But you remembered it." Damn him. I did. I stopped looking for the fine print At least for tonight Stopped trying to find the sentence that proves I don't belong inside You're still reading me the worst parts Because they're true. Yeah. They are. But maybe true isn't the same thing as all there is to me Careful. You keep saying that. Starting to wonder why.
