[Verse 1] They rolled up loud deploying their maces, Vests so thick they could stop a truck, Sunglasses, guns, masks on faces, Looking real tough… till the moms showed up. [Pre-Chorus] Cosplay tough guys, tactical fear, Scanning the block like the end is near, But it’s just an iphone, a snack-size fight, And a Prius parking slightly too tight. [Chorus] Oh no—close the gates, sound the alarms It’s the organized gangs of wine loving moms! With reusable bags and their insulated mugs, Shaking the boots of the armored thugs. No batons, no bombs, not like Noem Beware the Chardonnay Brigade Go home! [Verse 2] Yoga pants, sneakers, snacks, SPF 50, Talking riesling and accountability, Asking questions, filming calm, “Excuse me sir, what’s your badge number, hon?” [Pre-Chorus] They’ve got Malbec, time, and know all the rules, And the confidence born of carpool Schedules and schools, You trained for chaos, to intimidate, Not a wine mom heading to a play date. [Chorus] Oh no—retreat in formation, stay cool, It’s the minivan mutual-aid pool! With champagne courage and snacks for days, They’re peaceful, persistent, and here to stay. No fists, no fights, not like Noem, Beware the Chardonnay Brigade Go home! [Bridge] This isn’t fear, it’s satire, okay? The humor of cosplay goons meeting “have a nice day.” Democracy hums in a major key, When soccer moms land calmly… with receipts. [Final Chorus] So cue the sirens—kidding, relax, It’s a bake sale energy, facts on facts. From sidewalks to halls where the meetings are long, They sing the soft-power, neighborly song. No drama, no harm, just organized norms, All rise for wine moms—with cell phones and forms
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