Aphrodisiac Instructions No. 04: Carrot Cake

Come here. You’re helping. Grab the flour Cinnamon too Nutmeg’s right there Yeah, that one Brown sugar Crack the eggs Little vanilla Watch the edge Carrots need grating Nice and fine Why’re you looking at me? Keep going. Easy Not so hard Fold it in Slow Good girl Take your time Get it all together Scrape the sides Don’t leave anything behind Take your time You don’t have to rush it Nice and slow Till everything feels right I know the anticipation is fuckin killing you We’re not even at the good part yet Grease both pans Pour it even Scrape the bowl Don’t waste any Three-fifty Middle rack Shut the door And leave it shut No, don’t check it It’s been two minutes Baby girl, Come over here You’re terrible at waiting You always this impatient? Mm-hm Figured Give it time Let it rise Quit trying to rush everything you want Let it cool before you frost it I know you wanna touch it You can wait Keep those hands where I can see ‘em Don’t give me that look You heard what I said Let it cool before you frost it You’re not getting everything Just because you’re a brat Not yet Cream cheese Soft butter Give me the sugar No, baby The powdered sugar Jesus Vanilla goes in Beat it smooth Little more That’s it Here Taste it … Don’t lick the spoon like that. I swear to God Alright Cake’s cool First layer down Frost the top More than that Don’t be shy with now Second layer Easy Press it down Yeah Just like that Now the sides Slow You missed a spot Right there No Lower … Good girl There you go Now you can frost it Go ahead You’ve been waiting long enough Get it everywhere Make a mess I don’t give a damn Now you can frost it Take your time Don’t rush it now You wanted your hands on it all night So come and get it Slow around the edges Little more on top That’s it Don’t stop now I didn’t say stop You got frosting on your lip No Other side Hold still … Leave it I like it right there