[Intro - spoken, broken, piano + vinyl crackle, clock ticking] Sunday night... nine o’clock... and I’m here... [Verse 1 - upright bass, brushed snare, accordion, funereal ballad tempo] I stood at the top of the cellar steps My hand on the rail, my soul in debt I could hear the bass through the stone below Heard her laughter... then I let go Turned my back on the only light In the last twenty years of my life Walked home in the rain like a penitent fool Sat by my wife... and played it cool [Pre-Chorus - strings enter, muted trumpet, voice hollow] She stirred in her sleep, said my name out loud And I... I broke. I broke and bowed To the vow I made when I was a man Not this ghost who loves a girl he can’t [Chorus - sparse orchestra, no "yeah-yeah", deep baritone, shattered] Oh, mademoiselle, I did not choose you I chose the honour I must live through You saved me a seat by the candle’s glow And I... I let you sit alone, I know I am falling too... and so I ran From the only joy I’ve felt as a man I did not choose you... forgive what I’ve done Mademoiselle... I chose the long run [Verse 2 - cello, piano, confessional, self-condemning] No more café each morning at eight I stay home, drink bile, and wait Not for you — I wouldn’t dare But for punishment of you not there I left you a book at the used bookstall Poems I dog-eared, my hopes, my fall Hoping you’d find it, hoping you’d see The man who loved you... and set you free [Pre-Chorus - bigger, strings swell, trumpet weeps once] Every stone step I didn’t take Is a stone on my chest till I break I dream of your face in the dark of my room And wake to my life... and its quiet tomb [Chorus - repeat, add choir "ahh", more grief] Oh, mademoiselle, I did not choose you I chose the honour I must live through Of all my failures, my duty, my chain And left you alone in the cellar’s rain I am falling too... so I cut the line Before your youth got stained with mine I did not choose you... and I’m not brave Mademoiselle... I’m just a grave [Bridge - breakdown, spoken over solo piano + contrabass, wrecked] Do you hate me? You should. You should. A man of my age... I understood The damage I’d do just by staying... So I chose to kill us both... by not playing. My wife asked me today, "Why do you cry?" I said "the war"... I’ve told that lie... For twenty years... but this time... this time... [Final Chorus - full orchestra, tragic, voice breaking, final vow] Oh, mademoiselle, I could not stay My love for you could find no way Between my thoughts and your memory You’d know I'm not the man I could be I am falling too... into the ground Where men like me are finally bound I did not come... so you can live Mademoiselle... it’s all I can give [Outro - slow fade, vinyl crackle, church bell, hospital monitor] Forgive me... live... please live...
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