[Opera, epic] [Verse 1] I’m an avid sports fan, loud and proud, no shame For the Absurdistan Farts, remember the name! Best Wiffle Ball team that you ever did see Thirty wins, two losses—basically royalty Now the Finals are here, tension thick in the air Facing the Stupidistan Gas—oh, the rivalry’s strong Got my foam finger ready, got my face painted blue And a suspiciously empty duffel bag too [Pre-Chorus] We’re passionate people, we don’t do things small We emotionally overreact to a plastic ball [Chorus] If we win—we riot! If we lose—we riot more! Flip a car, break a window, “Team spirit!” we roar! Celebrating destruction, Like we’ve done this before— In Absurdistan, yeah… We will riot either way for sure! [Verse 2] We torch our own shops, yeah the ones that we need “Half off everything!”—that’s the looter’s creed Grab a TV, some shoes, maybe five cell phones “Supporting local business!”—while we break their bones We know it’s real dumb, yeah we say it out loud But logic disappears in a sports-crazed crowd One guy yelled, “We tied!”—still smashed a car door Said, “I don’t need a reason—I’ve done this before!” [Pre-Chorus] We love our hometown, yeah we shout it with pride Then immediately wreck it from the inside [Chorus] If we win—we riot! If we lose—we riot more! Victory or heartbreak— We’re kicking down the door! Grab a blender, grab a sofa, “Don’t know what for!” In Absurdistan, yeah… We riot either way for sure! [Bridge spoken / fast] Oh no—here come the cops! Everybody scatter, everybody drops! Keep it under nine hundred, that’s the golden rule to avoid prosecution Petty crime accounting—yeah, we learned that in school! “I didn’t steal a TV—it was discounted stress relief!” “Sir, you’re carrying three microwaves.” “EMOTIONAL DAMAGE, OFFICER!” [Breakdown ,chant style] Rebuild it up! (So we can break it!) Fix the roads! (Then overtake it!) Paint the walls! (Then redecorate it—with bricks!) [Final Chorus bigger] If we win—we riot! If we lose—we riot louder! Doesn’t even matter— We just love to mob! Champions or failures, We’re equally proud— In Absurdistan, yeah… We’ll riot again next year! [Outro] We rebuild this town with a hammer and a plan… Then schedule next week’s riot—like civilized fans We are civilized fans!! [epic instrumental ending]
