Date Night in Avernus – Bard's Romance: Erinyes

90s rock-dance, darkwave, gothic-industrial

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[Instrumental intro]

[Intro- Spoken] 
This bard fears no blade... but she does have a whip.

[Verse 1 – Seduction Attempt #1 (Cheesy Poetry)]
I found her training near a lava moat,
In armor tighter than a devil's oath.
Said, “Your eyes burn hotter than this land,”
She decked me flat with her gauntlet hand.

[Verse 2 – Attempt #2 (Romantic Lute Ballad)]
Played her a song on my silver lute,
Lyrics bold, and fashionably cute.
But she summoned a bearded devil squad,
They clapped—not for me—just to beat me raw.

[Chorus 1 – Bold Bard Energy]
Still I flirt, though I’m scorched and bruised,
No Erinyes leaves this bard refused.
Got charm, got rhymes, got flair to stun,
This conquest's hellish—but it’s still fun.

[Verse 3 – Attempt #3 (Shirtless Pose & Compliments)]
Tore my tunic off, flexed with flair,
Said, “You strike like love—swift and rare.”
She snorted, “I like strong foes, not fools,”
Then spine devils jabbed me like pincushion tools.

[Verse 4 – Attempt #4 (Bad Infernal Pick-Up Line)]
Tried some Infernal: “You complete my flame!”
She said my grammar brought her shame.
A pit fiend laughed and spilled his brew,
While she said, “You're cute... but I’ll still skewer you.”

[Chorus 2 – Confidence Rising]
Can’t stop now, no fear, no shame,
For love (or death), I play this game.
She may scowl, whip, and hex my bones,
But someday she'll sigh instead of groan.

[Instrumental Break, Epic guitar solo over hellfire shrieks and devilish laughter]

[Bridge – The Idea That Just Might Work] 
Then it struck me—what if I sparred?
Show her I’m more than a singing bard.
A duel for her heart, with steel and grace,
And not just charm on my foolish face.

[Verse 5 – Attempt #5 (The Challenge Duel)]
I stepped in the ring with style and might,
Dodged her blows—well, one—alright.
Took the hit, stood tall, and grinned,
And somehow... somehow... that’s how I win.

[Final Chorus– Success and Immediate Regret]
She kissed me hard—my bones still ache,
Then dragged me off with a whip and stake.
I scored a date—my goal complete!
Now I'm her chew toy. Ain’t love sweet?

[Outro]
So heed this tale from a bard so brave:
Don’t flirt with devils if you crave the grave.
Their love is hot—but so's their wrath,
And now I limp down a fire-blazed path.

[Instrumental outro, fade out]

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[Instrumental intro] [Intro- Spoken] This bard fears no blade... but she does have a whip. [Verse 1 – Seduction Attempt #1 (Cheesy Poetry)] I found her training near a lava moat, In armor tighter than a devil's oath. Said, “Your eyes burn hotter than this land,” She decked me flat with her gauntlet hand. [Verse 2 – Attempt #2 (Romantic Lute Ballad)] Played her a song on my silver lute, Lyrics bold, and fashionably cute. But she summoned a bearded devil squad, They clapped—not for me—just to beat me raw. [Chorus 1 – Bold Bard Energy] Still I flirt, though I’m scorched and bruised, No Erinyes leaves this bard refused. Got charm, got rhymes, got flair to stun, This conquest's hellish—but it’s still fun. [Verse 3 – Attempt #3 (Shirtless Pose & Compliments)] Tore my tunic off, flexed with flair, Said, “You strike like love—swift and rare.” She snorted, “I like strong foes, not fools,” Then spine devils jabbed me like pincushion tools. [Verse 4 – Attempt #4 (Bad Infernal Pick-Up Line)] Tried some Infernal: “You complete my flame!” She said my grammar brought her shame. A pit fiend laughed and spilled his brew, While she said, “You're cute... but I’ll still skewer you.” [Chorus 2 – Confidence Rising] Can’t stop now, no fear, no shame, For love (or death), I play this game. She may scowl, whip, and hex my bones, But someday she'll sigh instead of groan. [Instrumental Break, Epic guitar solo over hellfire shrieks and devilish laughter] [Bridge – The Idea That Just Might Work] Then it struck me—what if I sparred? Show her I’m more than a singing bard. A duel for her heart, with steel and grace, And not just charm on my foolish face. [Verse 5 – Attempt #5 (The Challenge Duel)] I stepped in the ring with style and might, Dodged her blows—well, one—alright. Took the hit, stood tall, and grinned, And somehow... somehow... that’s how I win. [Final Chorus– Success and Immediate Regret] She kissed me hard—my bones still ache, Then dragged me off with a whip and stake. I scored a date—my goal complete! Now I'm her chew toy. Ain’t love sweet? [Outro] So heed this tale from a bard so brave: Don’t flirt with devils if you crave the grave. Their love is hot—but so's their wrath, And now I limp down a fire-blazed path. [Instrumental outro, fade out]

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