if I could feel

If I could feel: If I could feel I'd probably feel a bit awkward For being too honest with my words And feeling too nervous to ask you for your time If I could be free free of distractions around me Then I would have probably noticed the tone of your voice and the strange way you said goodnight but this feeling is a feeling bittersweet like bloody meat but I'll hold on to this feeling even if we never meet I hold on to this tricky little mem'ry even though I know it's probably wrong simply trying harder to remember only makes it harder still I should've reached out I could've done it much sooner but it would have been much more easy to reach in a black hole and pull out the bits of the sky that it ate up In the night so instead then I just wrote it in these notes I sent to you and I'm hoping maybe someday you might read them all again when no one Is around you so you could laugh out loud at all the silly things I said I had to tell you, about my silly feelings even if they sounded like a joke if it's too sad of a mem'ry to hold on to just pretend you don't remember me. If I could fill fill up the space you left empty I'd probably fill it with silence instead of my manic and odd thoughts trying to get you to notice these feelings I spent so long in curating to catch your eye yes I'm aware that we both used to be diff'rent but it feels like all I remember Is the sadness and longing I felt from in your eyes and I just think that I can't hold back all of these mem'ries they're burning up upon entry like my mind I wish that I could hear your frequency whispered in stardust and moonlight and signals in the night