PACKED BAGS

[Verse 1] My mind has already packed the bags But my body still is asleep I've mapped the road, I've marked the turns, but Can't convince my feet I know the door is open I know which way to go My nervous system whispers That's lovely, dear, but no So I order pizza for the third night And call it taking care Cuz knowing what you need to do Doesn't mean you can get there And I swear I'm not giving up I'm just negotiating with a mammal Who has spent a very long time Mistaking survival for a lifestyle [Chorus] So if you're sitting in the dark tonight Come sit a while with me I don't have any answers But I've got a patch of grass and three My mind is halfway down the road My body's far behind My heart says, "Come on, we can go" My bones say, "Give us time" I don't know when we'll get there I don't know what we'll find But if you're tired too, stay here You don't have to fall behind [Verse 2] I bought a little journal for the person I'm becoming It sits beside my bed each night all smug and fucking wholesome I'm meant to write, "I'm worthy, I am enough, I'm whole" My brain says, "Let's start smaller, love, we're not quite there, you know" So I write, "I made it through today" I write, "I'm still alive" I write, "I didn't hate myself for something I survived" It isn't very photogenic, but perhaps that's how it starts You don't rewrite a lifetime with a glitter pen and heart And I wanna change Without anybody noticing, become someone different Without making anyone feel abandoned I wanna grow Without leaving fingerprints on the people I love Apparently transformation has terrible manners [Chorus] So if you're sitting in the dark tonight Come sit a while with me I don't have any answers But I've got a patch of grass and three My mind is halfway down the road My body's far behind My heart says, "Come on, we can go" My bones say, "Give us time" I don't know when we'll get there I don't know what we'll find But if you're tired too, stay here You don't have to fall behind [Verse 3] I want a different shape someday But change is hard to hide I wanna grow without making the people I love feel left behind What if getting better looks a little like goodbye? What if becoming who I am means changing in your eyes? I don't want to outgrow you I don't want to lose me too So here I am between the two Still trying to make room Like some emotional IKEA with half the screws misplaced I've got no idea what I'm building, but I'm fairly sure it's taking shape And here's the part where I confess I haven't figured out the rest I don't know how to make my body believe what my mind already knows I don't know how long it takes to stop flinching at an open door I don't know how to become someone I haven't met yet Without being cruel to the person who got me here And I'm so fucking tired of knowing all the answers And still not knowing how to do the thing [Bridge] But there's this stupid little hope That won't take the hint and leave I've told her she can go to hell She just sits down beside me Doesn't promise everything will magically be fine She just says, "Try again tomorrow" So I suppose she's mine [Chorus] So if you're sitting in the dark tonight Come sit a while with me You don't have to have it figured out You don't have to know what you'll be My mind is already packed the bags My body's coming too It's taking longer than I'd like, but I think it's learning how to move I don't know when we'll get there I don't know what we'll find But Hope keeps walking next to me When the rest of me falls behind And if all we did today was make it through somehow Maybe that's enough for us Maybe enough is now [Outro] My mind is already packed the bags My body's still upstairs But somewhere down the hallway I can hear it on the stairs So leave the light on, little heart There's no need to run Tomorrow isn't asking much, just come