PLEASE DO NOT LICK THE SUBWOOFER 👅🔊🤪

PLEASE DO NOT LICK THE SUBWOOFER [Intro] FEMALE: There's a sign. MALE: What does it say? FEMALE: “Please do not lick the subwoofer.” [Pause] MALE: Weirdly specific. FEMALE: Don't. MALE: Wasn't going to. FEMALE: You're leaning toward it. MALE: I'm reading the fine print. [LICK] SYSTEM: UNAUTHORIZED MOISTURE DETECTED. MALE: Oh. [Build] SYSTEM: Initiating bass sanitation. FEMALE: Bass WHAT? [DROP] BWAAAAAA-WUB-WUB-WUB! SANITIZE THIS! [Drop – Riddim] WUB! WUB-WUB! laser GRRRRRAH! [Rubbery bass squeak] MALE: Why does that one sound wet? FEMALE: YOU LICKED IT. [Fake Drop] SYSTEM: Please remove tongue from— [DROP] WUBWUBWUBWUB! [Glitched Chop] LICK-LICK-LICK— FEMALE: STOP SAMPLING THAT! [Second Drop] Bass left. Bass right. Bass underneath. [Silence] MALE: Bass... inside? [SUB] BOOOOOOM MALE: Yep. [Breakdown] A tiny music box plays. boing bubble backwards chicken noise FEMALE: Was that a chicken? MALE: Don't question the breakdown. [Button click] SYSTEM: DNB MODE ENABLED. FEMALE: Who pressed that? MALE: My tongue. [174 BPM DROP] BRRRRRRAH! Dirty breaks tear through the room. WOBBLE-WOBBLE— REESE GROWL! SUB ROLLS! [Rapid Drum Burst] DUGADUGADUGADUGA— [Silence] MALE: My tongue can taste colours. FEMALE: What colour is bass? MALE: ...Thursday. FEMALE: That's not— [DROP] THURSDAY! [Psychedelic Meltdown] Bubbles. Lasers. Reversed laughter. Rubber duck. quack DISTORTED RUBBER DUCK: QUAAAAACK. MALE: Now we're cooking. [Final Build] SYSTEM: Combining riddim and DnB. FEMALE: Is that safe? SYSTEM: HAHAHAHAHA. [FINAL DROP] WUB! BREAKS! GROWL! WOBBLE! REESE! LASER! QUACK! [Silence] FEMALE: ...quack? [COLOSSAL DROP] QUAAAAACK-WUB-WUB-BRRRRAAAAH! [Outro] SYSTEM: Please do not lick the subwoofer. MALE: Again? FEMALE: NO.