Office Besties (An Ironic Anthem)

*Verse 1:* They know my coffee order down to the foam art While calculating exactly how to break my heart "You're like a sister!" (the kind that steals your boyfriend) Then they plagiarize my PowerPoint and call it a godsend *Chorus:* We're workplace soulmates, practically twins! Till I'm out sick and somehow their project wins Best friends forever (terms and conditions apply) Nothing says "loyalty" like a professional lie *Verse 2:* They share their leftover sushi with genuine care While forwarding my typos to the whole team with flair "Your secret's safe with me!" (narrator: it wasn't) By lunch it's office gossip, by dinner it's trending *Chorus:* Oh, we're such good friends, we really care Until bonus season, then friendship's beyond repair Lunch companions turned to backstabbing pros That's just how office "family" grows *Bridge:* Team bonding retreat: "What happens here stays here!" (Except the photos they post to destroy my career) "You're irreplaceable!" they sob with crocodile tears While updating their LinkedIn and networking with my peers *Final Chorus:* We were office family, blood thicker than water! (Till they sacrificed me like a corporate lamb to slaughter) BFF necklaces and matching coffee mugs Now I trust nobody except the office pugs *Outro:* Lesson learned from my corporate "bestie": Keep your friends close, your coworkers at a restraining order's distance, maybe?