I ain’t much of a scholar, barely made it through school, Can’t fix a transmission, can’t shoot much pool. Can’t balance a checkbook, can’t spell millionaire, But I can spot a pretty woman from a mile away anywhere. I ain’t the best bull rider, got bucked off at three, Took six stitches and a week to pee. They asked me how I rated on a scale of one to ten, I said, “Depends on what you’re measurin’ with, friend!” [Chorus – Loud, Rowdy, Crowd Singing] SET THE YEEHAW METER AT TEN POINT SEVEN! Been raisin’ hell since a quarter past eleven! Got a redhead on my left, a blonde on my right, And a brunette on my phone that’s blowing it up tonight! CRANK THAT YEEHAW METER TO TEN POINT SEVEN! I’m too damn ornery but I hope I make it into heaven! Might be average at work, might be average at school, But I’m a ten point seven when I’m actin’ a fool! YEEHAW! [Verse 2 – The Ladies Man] Met a widow down in Waco, said she liked my hat, A divorcee in Dallas liked a little more than that. A redhead in Houston said, “Can you go all night?” I said, “Darlin’, my headlights are on and they still burnin’ bright!” She said, “Big cowboy, is that all you’ve got?” I said, “Honey, this engine’s barely gotten hot!” She said, “Well, show me what A Texas boy can do!” I said, “First, where’s the bathroom? I’ve had a beer or two!” [Verse 3 – Trouble in San Antone] Had a little señorita down in San Antone, Who said she didn’t like to spend her evenings alone. She liked my boots, she liked my jeans, Said I was the prettiest cowboy she’d ever seen. She asked if I could cook, I said, “Not worth a damn.” She asked if I was rich, I said, “Darlin’, here I am.” She asked what I brought to the table that night, I said, “A smile, some tight jeans, and an appetite!” She laughed so hard that she spilled her wine, Said, “You ain’t worth much, but I think you’re mighty fine!” I tipped my hat and gave her a grin, Said, “Honey, I think we can be friends” [Chorus] SET THE YEEHAW METER AT TEN POINT SEVEN! Been raisin’ hell since a quarter past eleven! Got a redhead on my left, a blonde on my right, And a brunette blowing up my phone.. tonight! CRANK THAT YEEHAW METER TO TEN POINT SEVEN! I’m too damn ornery but I hope I make it into heaven! Can’t build a house, can’t fix a car, But I can raise the roof on a honky-tonk bar! [Verse 4 – The Cowboy’s Report Card] My boss gave me a four for the work I get done, My mama gave me six for bein’ a decent son. My banker gave me two, said my credit was shot, The bartender gave me ten for the trouble I brought! My ex-wife gave me zero, said I wasn’t worth a dime, But her sister gave me nine and asked if I had time! I said, “Darlin’, better make that number eleven!” She said, “I’ll settle for a cowboy at ten point seven!” [Bridge – Music Drops Out] [Walking bass and a single snare drum] [Spoken Cowboy:Male Vocal] “Now, I ain’t braggin’, boys… But I had myself professionally evaluated.” [Pause] “My intelligence? Five point two. My work ethic? Three point four. My financial stability? Negative six.” “My looks? Nine point nine.” [Pause] “But when they tested my ability to party, chase pretty women, and raise hell…” [Drumroll] “That damn machine got hot and caught on FIRE!” “TEN POINT SEVEN, BABY!” [Full band explodes back in] Well, I met a little cowgirl down in Fort Worth town, She looked me over once, then she looked me up and down. Said, “I heard you’re a legend, heard you’re quite a catch.” I said, “Honey, I’m a wildfire lookin’ for a match!” She said, “I don’t need money, I don’t need a ring, I just need a cowboy who knows how to swing.” So I took her by the hand and we danced till two, She whispered, “Is that all a ten point seven can do?” Well, my knees started knockin’, my boots came loose, I was sweatin’ like a sinner with his neck in a noose. I said, “Darlin’, have mercy, I’m an older machine!” She said, “Then quit your braggin’ and show me some steam!” [Final Chorus – Double-Time] SET THE YEEHAW METER AT TEN POINT SEVEN! Been raisin’ hell since a quarter past eleven! Ain’t got much money, ain’t got much sense, But I’ve never let that interfere with my confidence! CRANK THAT YEEHAW METER TO TEN POINT SEVEN! Got one boot in hell and the other in heaven! I may not be perfect, but I’m sure good fun, And I ain’t slowin’ down till the good Lord’s done! YEEHAW METER! TEN POINT SEVEN! Good-lookin’ trouble and a whole lotta heaven! If they ever make a meter that’ll measure my sin, They better put a bigger needle in that thing again! [Outro – Spoken, Guitar Quietly Picking] [Female Vocal] “So, cowboy… you’re a ten point seven?” [Male Vocal Cowboy:] “Yes, ma’am.” [Female Vocal] “At everything?” [Male Vocal Cowboy:] “Well, no, ma’am sometimes I’m an eleven …” [Long pause] “Mostly just the things that get me in trouble.” [Female Vocal Woman:] “And how long can you keep that meter runnin’?” [Male Vocal Cowboy:] “Well, darlin’…” [Band stops] “depends on what your talkin bout”
