Don’t Think I Can Stay

[Verse 1 - quiet, after the celebration] The city is still singing and the torches still reply My mother’s tear is burning where no crown can tell me why I told myself be worthy I told myself be still But the gold around my shoulders has a weight against my will [Pre-Chorus] I hear them in the streets below I hear the flame they raise I love them more than breath itself So why do I feel erased? [Chorus] I don’t think I can stay I don’t think I can stand Inside this lovely waiting life they made with loving hands I don’t think I can breathe I don’t know what to say I love them, I love them, I love them But I don’t think I can stay [Verse 2] I see the training circle where my sisters would have stood The dust, the breath, the wooden blades the joy of being good I see my mother watching while no one touched my name Undefeated in the circle with my whole soul made of flame I see the road before me with danger in its teeth A blue light in the mountain pass a monster underneath [Pre-Chorus] They say I’ll serve by speaking They say the sword can wait But something under skin and vow is waking at the gate [Chorus] I don’t think I can stay I don’t think I can stand Inside this polished mercy with my future in their hands I don’t think I can breathe I don’t know how to pray I love them, I love them, I love them But I don’t think I can stay [Bridge - distant chant, tense] We rise again I hear it through the stone We rise again But I am still alone We rise again Not only where we’re told A flame can die in shelter A living thing can fold [Verse 3 - urgency building] The corridors are quiet The guards are kind and blind The doors know all my footsteps The walls know all my mind My face remembers training My mouth remembers grace But every little courtesy is closing like a gate I do not want to wound her I do not want to run But I can feel the morning like a hand around the sun [Chorus - larger, more desperate] I don’t think I can stay I don’t think I can lie And call it duty when my soul is teaching me to fly I don’t think I can breathe behind a golden name If I must be the flame they need I cannot die the same [Bridge II - breathless, realization beginning] I thought that love meant stillness I thought that duty stayed I thought a daughter answered when her mother’s heart had prayed But love is not a silence and duty is not sleep And some vows are only holy when the soul is yours to keep [Final Chorus - escape, opening sky] I don’t think I can stay I don’t think I can fall Into the life they made for me and call that living all I don’t think I can breathe unless I choose the way I love them, I love them, I love them That is why I cannot stay [Outro - dawning clarity, outside the walls] I thought I fled my duty beneath the waking day But only past the palace walls could I see what I could not say The life they gave was beautiful The hands that built it kind But love can make a prison too when it leaves the self behind [Final echo - distant crowd and solo voice] We rise again I hear it far away We rise again And I am on my way