“Some of you ain’t mad at the devil… You mad at God. You prayin’ with clenched fists. You worshippin’ through gritted teeth. And you don’t know if that makes you faithful… or faithless…” (Lord…) (You hear me??) I wanna give it up to you Cause these demons make me feel uncomfortable I keep ringing trying to get in touch with you I got a feeling I’m running out of luck with you I need the meaning for all the shit I suffered thru I stop believing started screaming and cussed at you how the fuck could you torture me when I look up to you is my pain not enough for you it’s shame put a strain on my love for you I’m a sinner but only sinning because of you (Why you silent?) (Answer me…) (I looked up to you…) I talk to heaven but it don’t respond Kneelin’ down but the feeling gone If you shaping me, why it feel this wrong? Why the lesson always this long? (Why so long…) (Why so long…) God are you there when I’m breaking? Or am I just tired of waiting? If you love me why I feel forsaken? Why my faith always shaking? I’m screaming at the sky at night Tryna wrestle wrong from right If you real don’t hide your face Don’t leave me drowning in this place (Don’t leave me…) (Don’t leave me…) I done gambled with my blessings (facts) Self-inflicted all this stressin’ (yeah) Lookin’ for peace in addictions Callin’ it coping mechanisms You could’ve stopped me (why you didn’t?) You saw me spiralin’ in it If you omniscient, you witnessed Every breakdown, every minute Was it purpose or punishment? Growth or abandonment? Refinement or suffering? Or am I just numbing it? You say you father the fatherless Then why I feel fatherless? If grace bigger than all of this Why shame still swallowing? (God why?) (You see this?) (I’m losing faith…) If you never left why I feel alone? If you always hear why I dial your phone? If you love me why it cut so deep? Why the nights feel longer than sleep? Maybe faith ain’t comfort Maybe faith feel violent Maybe silence ain’t absence Maybe silence just guidance (But I hate it…) (I hate it) God are you there when I’m breaking? Even when my voice is shaking? I ain’t perfect, I ain’t pure I just don’t wanna hurt no more If you molding me, don’t break me If you love me, don’t forsake me I’m still knocking at your door But I can’t scream no more (Still knocking…) (Still breathing…) (Amen… whisper) “Faith don’t always feel like light. Sometimes… it feel like survival.”
