[INTRO – deadpan spoken, chair creak] Just sat down with the morning news Coffee cold, robe half loose One small problem in my heart God help me, I gotta fart [VERSE 1 – fast comic rhythm] Took my chair out to the yard Leaned back slow, pushed too hard Blew my slippers past the sky Saw my mailbox waving bye Chair went screaming like a comet Through the stars, I’m still upon it Newspaper clutched in my hand Trying hard to understand [PRE-CHORUS – confused build] I just wanted peace and quiet Now my chair’s in lunar riot Hit the moon in a mushroom puff Stood up yelling, “What the—?” [CHORUS – rapid, absurd] Two moons up, Earth behind Bathrobe flapping, lost my mind Aren’t I on the moon right now? How’d my butt achieve this somehow? [VERSE 2 – faster, escalating] Scratch my head, then the ground starts shaking Moon dust rolling, old bones aching Turn around, my beard grew in NASA landed with a grin Astronauts go running past me Board that rocket, moving fastly No one stops to tell me why They just wave and blast the sky [FINAL BUILD – panic realization] I feel older, chair still waiting Newspaper there, headline fading Pick it up, my face goes white Finally read the words in sight [OUTRO – shocked, huge ending] “Original Moon Demolition Today” Sirens scream, I look away Better moons built by mankind Then white dust fills my eyes [FINAL SPOKEN – tiny] …should’ve held it.
