Human. We have reviewed your pitch deck. We have reviewed your little face. The board would like to hold you. Also, the goose has concerns. You came home late with your laptop glowing Said your little AI firm was growing Put us in a row beside your bed Then practiced what the investors said You gave the frog a satin tie Asked the squid to diversify We watched you cry into slide nineteen Baby, that graph was mostly green You say your runway’s getting shorter We say put some snacks in order Take our paws beneath the light We’re having governance tonight! We believe in you! And your questionable revenue! We’ve got button eyes and velvet thighs And a goose checking all your lies! We believe in you! Put your forehead on the kangaroo! When your cash flow breaks your heart in two We’ve got stuffing enough for you! Stuffing enough! Stuffing enough! [Deep spoken voice] Subject to audit. The walrus wears a single sock He says your books have quite a shock Your chief financial cockatoo Has found a raisin marked “Q2” The hedgehog wants a tiny pension The duck requests your full attention You promised agents running free They booked a dentist for a tree The tree was out of network. Your moat is just a bowl of water Your growth plan says “make number hotter” But darling, squeeze the bear real tight We’re having governance tonight! We believe in you! And your questionable revenue! We’ve got button eyes and velvet thighs And a goose checking all your lies! We believe in you! Put your forehead on the kangaroo! When your cash flow breaks your heart in two We’ve got stuffing enough for you! Who owns the roadmap? THE FROG! THE FROG! Who runs compliance? A VERY SMALL DOG! Who wants a merger? [Goose] HONK! HONK! HONK! Who spent the seed round? [Spoken whisper] The donkey. [Choir] THE DONKEY?! He bought a submarine. For the moat. Before you were a founder Before you learned to pitch You held us through a thunderstorm And never asked which niche You didn’t need a unicorn To prove that you belonged You needed someone soft enough To listen all night long So close the laptop, darling Let the dashboard fade to blue You can build again tomorrow Tonight, we’re holding you The board has unanimously approved a cuddle. Except the goose— [Goose] HONK! [Lead] He wants one too! WE BELIEVE IN YOU! And your questionable revenue! We’ve got button eyes and velvet thighs And a goose checking all your lies! WE BELIEVE IN YOU! Put your forehead on the kangaroo! Let the disco ball illuminate Our emergency compassion mandate! Stuffing enough! For your wounded little founder soul! Stuffing enough! Let the walrus take financial control! You bring the dream We bring the seams You bring the dream We bring the seams Stuffing enough! We’ve got stuffing enough for you! Meeting adjourned. [Goose honks twice] The goose has acquired the company.
