My friend Erika Married her Girlfriend La Tour d’Eiffel

[Terminal Variations:]:”I married la tour d’Eiffel Tower tour Imagine a world where instead of hostile People gravitate to people whose preference Slouches toward developing romantic entanglements Even catching feelings through no fault Of their own not counting 30 percent more spectrum where the dopamine we all enjoy relieving Comorbidly twofer two’s day side of oxytocin Causes the manifestation for nestbuilding a Milanese couch in blindingly red textiles upholstered by the same master craftsman who adorns Birkin Bags but only for those on listicles from LVMH and Houses Like Hermes Gucci and Veee Tawn hammering tight luxury items whose cost to construct is 10x lesser than the price tag to purchase but whose value is in the brand name associated with loucheness whose interior feeling of overspending on the order of exclusivity quality and absurdity is only half as much as its decision to price it higher shows the genius as that which increases it’s desirability whose human nature and perversity tipsy pear shaped cognitive impairment flips over to require us with no necessity or practicality ensuring us realistically that as if preordained this point of sale implied deprivation based in the absence of reason and amnesia seemingly senior momentous thrill of the most desirous implication has given us now the need for propinquity its proximate destiny to snuggle its veal like texture of the most pliable leather which intellectually we know implicitly as the formerly formally shorn and treated epidermis of a recently denuded bovine breed for pois de sew which as if biblically printed book of divination as you walk through the door with the box of the Magi as if presenting the baby Jesus not Myrrh or Frankincensebyt the one wise thing that the men omitted barn bound on donkeys to mark the occasion of the Christchilds nascent anniversary emerging miraculously from a virgin still intact who would so dearly have been delighted if in your pre trip shopping one of your wisest should have consulted one of your wives before chat GPT had made her for all intents and purposes abundantly redundant to her role as better by half the wise blood calf should she advised of your redolent myrrh over applied biom intrusive olfaction whose physical reaction was a complete contraction instead the journey so much more received to your gifts had you swung by the seamstress whose bespoke tiny hammer was precisely and tightly bejeweling with nails those brass capped fastened form meets perfection latest sacs so chic so the thing so beatifically beaten cured in the lye pit would Mary’s eyes have lit it when amorphously hidden the logo print wrapping belying the present but pretending not to know how this was the best day of her life a virgin a mother and the house proud new owner of the formerly sackless schlub riding bitch on a jackass on a hundred excursions fir staples and pantry items comestibles did she not feel virginity her hymen battered by the stone paths and the saddle but more noticeable to her was the deflowered feeling of which it was revealing on those Bethlehem gleaming cafes sitting out her inferiori lack of the soon to be mom of the most celebrity infant whose mother it was said by concubines and strumpets might as well announce via trumpet heraldic media comes that Mary says she never laid down in the straw with that Joseph well fit from all his construction says he needs more saltpeter or more ministrations from that Nazar masseuse whose spa said she loose All of that spared if she just knew then what upon presentation by three strangers bestowing this purse of soft leather what every girl woman immaculate conceiving mother of god should have been bestowed imbued impregnated with If your shoulders are bare it’s not what you wear or how bodacious décolletage’s the cleave is It’s the unadorned lack of a brand icon stamped somewhere readable by peasants or wives that holds all your stuff or is just there to bluff that little pair of deuces or trays held close to your vest no tells can they see as you stand and all in push chips toward the bettor and stand behind chair as if uninvested your game so intense They built a casino emblazoned in candlelit illuminated a den of ruination which through no fault of your sire did was he inspired on a money changer binge to make Schwarzenegger cringe calling it unnecessarily rough all this solved in advance hindsight 20 20 also the cost of one wiseman with the perspicacity to have had ore intuition as to a post party woman needs a luxury item in that time of raging hormonal depression needful of the lesson in useless affectation bound off the shoulder in a tan or a beige nothing outlandish or impracticably rocked just a soft leather purse to hold her mascara her scarf and her feelings on those days when she need just a little more than within her whose adornment and hug it is that she lack all given freely by this little Le sac your walk in closet to admire with inanimate objects — c