[Intro] (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (Proper job, innit?) (Right, listen up you lot) [Verse 1] Down in Bodmin with a pasty and a pint of cloudy scrumpy The terrain was looking rugged and the Massey-Ferg was bumpy I was checking on the blades in a state of sheer neglect When the PTO engaged with an effect I didn't expect My dungarees got snagged on a rotating metal spindle And I watched my lower dignity begin to sharply dwindle There was a crunch of bone and gristle like a tractor hitting gravel As my reproductive prospects started quickly to unravel (He's lost his plums!) (In the machinery!) [Pre-Chorus] But the friction and the diesel and the static in the air Fused my mangled wedding vegetable beyond all repair I felt a surge of energy through my remaining hip As my groin became a beacon for a psychedelic trip [Chorus] He’s the Cornish freak with the oscillating member A tragedy in August that he’ll rue until December It glows a toxic purple and it hums a low frequency That causes local livestock to lose their entire decency (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (He's on a list now!) (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (Keep him away from the playground!) [Verse 2] I walked into the Morrison’s to buy some clotted cream But my glowing, throbbing trousers started venting out some steam The superpower manifested as a sonic blast of brown I accidentally made the entire checkout staff fall down It emits a high-pitched whistle that can liquefy a kidney I’m banned from every public space from Redruth down to Sydney The manager approached me with a look of pure disgust As I vibrated a shelf of scones into a cloud of dust (Stay back, you freak!) (Put it away, Jago!) [Pre-Chorus] Yes the friction and the diesel and the static in the air Made a weapon of the wreckage that was dangling down there I tried to pay for groceries with a flick of my left thigh But I shattered every window and I made the pigeons cry [Chorus] He’s the Cornish freak with the oscillating member A tragedy in August that he’ll rue until December It glows a toxic purple and it hums a low frequency That causes local livestock to lose their entire decency (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (He's on a list now!) (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (Keep him away from the playground!) [Bridge] Now I’m sitting in the station with a sergeant named Baz Explaining why my crotch sounds like a trumpet playing jazz I signed the sex offenders book with a shaking, heavy hand The most dangerous appendage in the whole of England Three hundred and sixty-five days of the year I’m under watch Because of the mechanical disaster in my crotch (Sign here, son) (Mind the carpet!) [Guitar Solo] [Breakdown] (Yodel-ay-hee! Yodel-ay-hee! Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) [Chorus] He’s the Cornish freak with the oscillating member A tragedy in August that he’ll rue until December It glows a toxic purple and it hums a low frequency That causes local livestock to lose their entire decency [Outro] Keep your distance from the blades when you’re out in the field Unless you want a superpower that’ll never be healed (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (I can hear it humming!) (Get the police!) (Proper mental, that) [Fade Out]
