Spoken Intro — barely containing his excitement HEY! HEY! HEY! YOU! DID YOU KNOW?! YOU’RE FULL OF TUBES! I’M FULL OF TUBES! WE’RE ALL FULL OF FUCKIN’ TUBES! Band explodes Verse 1 — fast, bouncy, shouted TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! I got heart TUBES! I got head TUBES! I got little bitty TUBES In my legs and my feet TUBES! Arm TUBES! Neck TUBES! Big ol’ TUBES Running through my chest TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! EVERYBODY’S GOT SOME TUBES! Pre-Chorus — building excitement Arteries! Capillaries! Vena cava! HOLY MARY! Pulmonary! Coronary! ALL THESE TUBES ARE NECESSARY! Chorus — enormous, ridiculous harmonies TUUUUUBES! I GOT TUBES INSIDE OF ME! TUUUUUBES! AND THEY’RE WORKING CONSTANTLY! There’s some TUBES in my fingers! There’s some TUBES in my toes! There’s some TUBES in my eyeballs! AND SOME UNDERNEATH MY NOSE! TUUUUUBES! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING TO BE! Verse 2 — even more excited TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! Kidney TUBES! Liver TUBES! Tiny little TUBES In my bellybutton neighborhood! Brain TUBES! Butt TUBES! Blood goes round In a whole bunch of TUBES! Left TUBES! Right TUBES! TUBES that work In the middle of the night TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! I CAN’T BELIEVE WE GOT THESE TUBES! Pre-Chorus — brass stabs Aorta! Atrium! Ventricle! I’M LOVIN’ ’EM! Systolic! Diastolic! Now I’m just a tube-a-holic!! Chorus — bigger TUUUUUBES! I GOT TUBES INSIDE OF ME! TUUUUUBES! AND THEY’RE WORKING CONSTANTLY! There’s some TUBES in my shoulders! There’s some TUBES in my knees! There’s some TUBES in my elbows! AND I CANT EVEN FEEL EM!! TUUUUUBES! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING TO BE! Bridge — reverent piano, whispered Sometimes… I lie awake at night… And I think about my TUBES. All those little TUBES. Doing their little TUBE jobs. Pause And then I remember… Whisper …you got TUBES too. Massive drum fill WE’VE ALL GOT TUBES! Guitar solo — ridiculously triumphant Verse 3 — accelerating TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! Face TUBES! Thigh TUBES! TUBES in the corner Of my little brown eye TUBES! Wrist TUBES! Hip TUBES! TUBES in my tongue When I lick my lips TUBES! Big TUBES! Small TUBES! SOME ARE SO TINY I CAN’T SEE ’EM AT ALL TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! TUBES! I’M A WALKING SACK OF TUBES! Breakdown — stadium crowd WHAT’S IN YOUR HEAD?! TUBES! WHAT’S IN YOUR FEET?! TUBES! WHAT’S IN YOUR BUTT?! TUBES! WHAT’S IN YOUR TUBES?! WHO KNOWS! HOLY SHIT, MYSTERY TUBES! Final Chorus — choir, horns, key change TUUUUUBES! I GOT TUBES INSIDE OF ME! TUUUUUBES! AND THEY’RE WORKING CONSTANTLY! I GOT TUBES! YOU GOT TUBES! EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM GOT TUBES! GRANDMA’S GOT TUBES! THE DOG HAS TUBES! EVEN THE GUY WHO INVENTED Bowling GOT TUBES! TUUUUUBES! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING TO BE! Outro — abrupt silence Spoken, deeply sincere I just wanna say… Thank you… To my TUBES. Pause Every single one of you. Whisper …especially the big one. Huge final chord TUUUUUBES!
