Peasant's Life: A Remarkably Successful Harvest

RightyBird

Renaissance musical rock, modern rock, musical theater

[Intro | shawm fanfare | rolling drums]

[Will | shouted]
Good people!
The harvest is in!

[Villager]
Most of it!

[Will]
Enough of it!

[All | shouted]
SUCCESS!

[Verse 1 | driving rhythm | quick vocal]
Up at dawn with a sack and a blade
Prayed for sun and received mostly shade
Sowed forty rows in respectable ground
Twelve came back when we gathered around

Six went moldy, three went flat
One disappeared—

[Villager]
We blame the cat!

[Will]
Ox ate two and the crows took four

[Nell]
Your mathematics need work.

[Will]
We'll discuss it no more!

[Pre-Chorus | building]
Don't count the grain that died in rain
Don't count the cart that broke again
Don't count the things we couldn't save—

[All]
COUNT WHAT'S LEFT AND LOOKING BRAVE!

[Chorus | huge ensemble]
IT'S A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST!
Raise your cup and toast the yield!

If the barn is half empty—
CALL IT HALF FULL!
And never look too closely at the field!

HEY!

Remarkably successful harvest!
Hear the village proudly say:

We planted enough to feed us through winter—

[Brief stop]

[Villager]
How long?

[Will]
Till Thursday!

[Full band]
HOORAY!

[Instrumental punch | sackbut and shawm]

[Verse 2 | fast rhythmic vocal]
Mill wheel cracked with a terrible sound
Half our flour is currently drowned
Largest cabbage rolled into the well
Turnip won a prize—

[Villager]
Then the goat ate it.

[Will]
...well.

Haystack leaned and the barn door fell
Pig got loose at the chapel bell
But look at us standing!

[Nell]
Some of us limp.

[Will]
Victory rarely arrives without a—

[All]
LIMP!

[Chorus | bigger]
IT'S A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST!
Raise your cup and toast the yield!

If the barn is half empty—
CALL IT HALF FULL!
And never look too closely at the field!

HEY!

Remarkably successful harvest!
Let no pessimist complain!

[Thunderous stop]

[Villager]
We have no grain.

[Will | spoken]
We have some grain.

[Nell]
We have grain-adjacent material.

[Will]
THEN SING!

[Instrumental break | fast lute riff | drum fill]

[Recruiter | polished patter]
Good men!
Strong men!
Men with dreams!

The King's Own Army needs new teams!
Regular wages!
Meals each day!
Travel abroad!
Respectable pay!

Boots on your feet!
A coat on your back!
A glorious future—

[Villager]
When do we pack?

[Recruiter]
Step right forward!
Sign right here!
Serve the Crown!
Advance your career!

[Will | rhythmic]
Three meals daily?

[Recruiter]
When supplies permit!

[Nell]
Regular wages?

[Recruiter]
You'll regularly hear of it!

[Villager]
Good boots?

[Recruiter]
Issued to every man!

[Will]
Both at once?

[Recruiter]
Where possible, yes, that's the plan.

[All]
OOOOH.

[Recruiter | faster]
See distant lands!
Earn medals and fame!
Return as a hero with honor to name!

[Old Villager]
I went to war.

[Music cuts]

[Recruiter]
And?

[Old Villager]
Came home with a spoon.

[Recruiter]
A military spoon?

[Old Villager]
No.

[Beat]

Nice spoon, though.

[Instrumental hit]

[Will | rap break]
You promise me dinner
You promise me pay
You promise me boots
Then explain them away

You promise adventure
A medal, a name—

[Old Villager]
Mostly you march.

[Will]
That sounds rather lame.

[All | shouted]
HEY!

[Recruiter]
Patriotism!

[Will]
Does that come with bread?

[Recruiter]
Not technically.

[Will]
Next!

[Mic-drop instrumental stop]

[Bridge | triumphant fanfare]

[Courier | shouted]
ROYAL RELIEF FOR THE FAILED HARVEST!

[All]
HOORAY!

[Courier]
Seed grain!
Timber!
Emergency stores!

[All]
LONG LIVE THE KING!

[Second Courier | entering]
Supplementary harvest levy!

[All]
BOOOOO!

[Second Courier]
Additional grain assessment!
Recruitment quota!
Bridge maintenance contribution!

[Villager]
The bridge is broken!

[Second Courier]
Hence the contribution.

[All]
BOOOOO!

[Will]
That darn King!

[Villagers]
THAT DARN KING!

[Nell | quietly]
Wait.

[Music thins]

These came from the same royal office?

[Courier]
Aye.

[Nell]
Same day?

[Courier]
Aye.

[Nell]
Same seal...

[Short pause]

Same hand.

[Will]
What does that mean?

[Nell]
I don't know.

[Beat]

But somebody writes very neatly.

[Drum fill | full anthem returns]

[Final Chorus | huge ensemble]
IT'S A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST!
By the standards we invented here!

We've lost the crop,
the bridge,
the cart—

[All]
BUT WE STILL HAVE ALE!

[Villager]
Watered ale!

[All]
CLOSE ENOUGH—CHEERS!

Remarkably successful harvest!
Let tomorrow bring what may!

The Crown wants grain!
The army wants men!

[Will]
And the goat wants my sleeve—

[Fabric rip]

[Will]
NOT AGAIN!

[All]
HEY!

[Final refrain | full cast]
Count what remains!
Stand up tall!
If nothing went right—

WE SURVIVED IT ALL!

A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST!

[Hard stop]

[Nell | spoken]
We should probably investigate those letters.

[Will]
After Thursday.

[Nell]
Why Thursday?

[Will]
That's when the food runs out.

[Final hit]

4842/7500

[Intro | shawm fanfare | rolling drums] [Will | shouted] Good people! The harvest is in! [Villager] Most of it! [Will] Enough of it! [All | shouted] SUCCESS! [Verse 1 | driving rhythm | quick vocal] Up at dawn with a sack and a blade Prayed for sun and received mostly shade Sowed forty rows in respectable ground Twelve came back when we gathered around Six went moldy, three went flat One disappeared— [Villager] We blame the cat! [Will] Ox ate two and the crows took four [Nell] Your mathematics need work. [Will] We'll discuss it no more! [Pre-Chorus | building] Don't count the grain that died in rain Don't count the cart that broke again Don't count the things we couldn't save— [All] COUNT WHAT'S LEFT AND LOOKING BRAVE! [Chorus | huge ensemble] IT'S A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST! Raise your cup and toast the yield! If the barn is half empty— CALL IT HALF FULL! And never look too closely at the field! HEY! Remarkably successful harvest! Hear the village proudly say: We planted enough to feed us through winter— [Brief stop] [Villager] How long? [Will] Till Thursday! [Full band] HOORAY! [Instrumental punch | sackbut and shawm] [Verse 2 | fast rhythmic vocal] Mill wheel cracked with a terrible sound Half our flour is currently drowned Largest cabbage rolled into the well Turnip won a prize— [Villager] Then the goat ate it. [Will] ...well. Haystack leaned and the barn door fell Pig got loose at the chapel bell But look at us standing! [Nell] Some of us limp. [Will] Victory rarely arrives without a— [All] LIMP! [Chorus | bigger] IT'S A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST! Raise your cup and toast the yield! If the barn is half empty— CALL IT HALF FULL! And never look too closely at the field! HEY! Remarkably successful harvest! Let no pessimist complain! [Thunderous stop] [Villager] We have no grain. [Will | spoken] We have some grain. [Nell] We have grain-adjacent material. [Will] THEN SING! [Instrumental break | fast lute riff | drum fill] [Recruiter | polished patter] Good men! Strong men! Men with dreams! The King's Own Army needs new teams! Regular wages! Meals each day! Travel abroad! Respectable pay! Boots on your feet! A coat on your back! A glorious future— [Villager] When do we pack? [Recruiter] Step right forward! Sign right here! Serve the Crown! Advance your career! [Will | rhythmic] Three meals daily? [Recruiter] When supplies permit! [Nell] Regular wages? [Recruiter] You'll regularly hear of it! [Villager] Good boots? [Recruiter] Issued to every man! [Will] Both at once? [Recruiter] Where possible, yes, that's the plan. [All] OOOOH. [Recruiter | faster] See distant lands! Earn medals and fame! Return as a hero with honor to name! [Old Villager] I went to war. [Music cuts] [Recruiter] And? [Old Villager] Came home with a spoon. [Recruiter] A military spoon? [Old Villager] No. [Beat] Nice spoon, though. [Instrumental hit] [Will | rap break] You promise me dinner You promise me pay You promise me boots Then explain them away You promise adventure A medal, a name— [Old Villager] Mostly you march. [Will] That sounds rather lame. [All | shouted] HEY! [Recruiter] Patriotism! [Will] Does that come with bread? [Recruiter] Not technically. [Will] Next! [Mic-drop instrumental stop] [Bridge | triumphant fanfare] [Courier | shouted] ROYAL RELIEF FOR THE FAILED HARVEST! [All] HOORAY! [Courier] Seed grain! Timber! Emergency stores! [All] LONG LIVE THE KING! [Second Courier | entering] Supplementary harvest levy! [All] BOOOOO! [Second Courier] Additional grain assessment! Recruitment quota! Bridge maintenance contribution! [Villager] The bridge is broken! [Second Courier] Hence the contribution. [All] BOOOOO! [Will] That darn King! [Villagers] THAT DARN KING! [Nell | quietly] Wait. [Music thins] These came from the same royal office? [Courier] Aye. [Nell] Same day? [Courier] Aye. [Nell] Same seal... [Short pause] Same hand. [Will] What does that mean? [Nell] I don't know. [Beat] But somebody writes very neatly. [Drum fill | full anthem returns] [Final Chorus | huge ensemble] IT'S A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST! By the standards we invented here! We've lost the crop, the bridge, the cart— [All] BUT WE STILL HAVE ALE! [Villager] Watered ale! [All] CLOSE ENOUGH—CHEERS! Remarkably successful harvest! Let tomorrow bring what may! The Crown wants grain! The army wants men! [Will] And the goat wants my sleeve— [Fabric rip] [Will] NOT AGAIN! [All] HEY! [Final refrain | full cast] Count what remains! Stand up tall! If nothing went right— WE SURVIVED IT ALL! A REMARKABLY SUCCESSFUL HARVEST! [Hard stop] [Nell | spoken] We should probably investigate those letters. [Will] After Thursday. [Nell] Why Thursday? [Will] That's when the food runs out. [Final hit]

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