Attack of the Kindergarten Dragons

[Intro – quiet classroom ambience] [Soft music-box melody] TEACHER – whispered: All right, everybody... It's naptime. Close your eyes. No talking. And absolutely— [Pause] —do not touch the dragon toys. [Classroom falls silent] [One tiny toy squeak] [Another squeak] [LOW GUITAR RIFF] [Children whisper] CHILDREN: Uh-oh. [FAST THRASH RIFF] [Verse 1] The clock struck twelve, the lights went low, The teacher said, “It's time to go...” But underneath the reading chair, Something moved behind the bear. A little dragon made of clay Opened up its eyes and said: DRAGON: RAAAWR! CHILDREN: WE'RE AWAKE! DRAGON: RAAAWR! CHILDREN: IT'S A DRAGON ATTACK! [Rapid guitar riff] The stuffed bears formed a battle line, The toy dinosaurs were doing fine. The blocks became a castle wall, And somebody yelled— CHILD: GET THE CRAYONS! [Chorus – children's choir] CHOIR: DRAGONS IN THE CLASSROOM! DRAGONS IN THE HALL! GRAB YOUR SHIELDS AND STAND UP TALL! WE'RE KINDERGARTEN WARRIORS! WE'RE BRAVE AND WE'RE SMALL! THE DRAGONS MAY BE BIGGER— BUT WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL! [Metal scream] CHOIR: RAAAAAWR! [Verse 2] Jimmy grabbed a cardboard sword, Susie's got the lunchroom board. Tommy found a plastic crown, And somebody knocked the alphabet down. TEACHER: WHO KNOCKED OVER THE LETTERS? [Silence] CHILD: The dragon. TEACHER: Okay. Carry on. [FAST RIFF] The purple dragon took the slide, The green one started to fly outside. The tiny blue one stole the glue— CHILD: HEY! CHILDREN: THAT'S FOR ARTS AND CRAFTS! [Choir chants] CHOIR: NO! NO! NO! CHILDREN: THE GLUE STAYS HERE! [Huge riff] [Chorus] CHOIR: DRAGONS IN THE CLASSROOM! DRAGONS IN THE HALL! GRAB YOUR SHIELDS AND STAND UP TALL! WE'RE KINDERGARTEN WARRIORS! WE'RE BRAVE AND WE'RE SMALL! THE DRAGONS MAY BE BIGGER— BUT WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL! [Instrumental thrash section] [Fast guitar riff] [Children chanting rhythmically] CHOIR: CRAY-ONS! CRAY-ONS! CRAY-ONS! CRAY-ONS! [Shredding guitar solo] [Bridge – sudden quiet] The biggest dragon entered the room. [Deep dramatic chord] He was red. He had golden wings. He was taller than the teacher. Everyone froze. DRAGON: RAAAWR! [Silence] CHILD: Nice dragon. [Pause] DRAGON: ...Thank you. [Music stops] TEACHER: Would you like a snack? DRAGON: Yes. [Children cheer] [FAST GUITAR RETURNS] [Verse 3] Turns out the dragons weren't mean, They just wanted to join the team. They liked the blocks and loved the swings, And one was really good at things— CHILD: What things? TEACHER: Well... DRAGON: ROAAAR! CHILD: Oh. Everything. [Huge chorus] CHOIR: DRAGONS IN THE CLASSROOM! DRAGONS IN THE HALL! NOW THEY'RE PLAYING WITH US ALL! DRAGON: RAAAWR! CHOIR: WE'RE KINDERGARTEN WARRIORS! WE'RE FRIENDS BIG AND SMALL! THE DRAGONS MAY BE BIGGER— BUT WE'RE HAVING FUN WITH ALL! [Breakdown] [Half-time crushing riff] TEACHER: Everybody listen! CHILDREN: YES, TEACHER! TEACHER: What do we do when dragons come to school? CHILDREN: WE SHARE! TEACHER: What do we do when dragons want our toys? CHILDREN: WE SHARE! TEACHER: What do we do when a dragon eats the homework? [Silence] CHILD: We don't tell Mom. [Beat] TEACHER: Wrong answer. [Children laugh] [Massive riff] [Final Chorus] CHOIR: DRAGONS IN THE CLASSROOM! DRAGONS IN THE HALL! NOW THE WHOLE SCHOOL'S HAVING A BALL! WE'RE KINDERGARTEN WARRIORS! TOGETHER WE STAND TALL! WITH CRAYONS, BLOCKS, AND FRIENDSHIP— DRAGONS: RAAAAAWR! CHOIR: WE'LL CONQUER THEM ALL! [Rapid thrash instrumental] [Children chanting] CHOIR: DRAGONS! DRAGONS! DRAGONS! DRAGONS! [Shredding guitar solo] [Final triumphant section] TEACHER: All right, everyone. Back to nap time. [Children cheer] DRAGON: RAWR! TEACHER: Yes, you too. [Soft music-box melody returns] CHOIR – softly: Goodnight, little dragons... Goodnight, little friends... [One final tiny dragon squeak] [Sudden gigantic metal chord] DRAGON: RAAAAAAAWR! [Silence]