Episode 4: The Sacred Number

anime rock, whimsical orchestral rock, fantasy comedy rock

[Verse 1]

I walked into the marble hall
Just to cash a check, that's all
The teller smiled and took a breath
Then spoke the ancient words of death

[agent] "You need a number."

[me] "Okay....... which one?"

[agent] "The special one."

[me] "Where's it from?"

[agent] "It must be generated."

[me] "By whom?"

[agent] "...we don't know."

[Pre-Chorus]
Forty minutes disappeared
Nobody knew why I was here
Phone trees whisper in the dark
Every menu missed the mark

[CHORUS]

🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵

Keeper of the flood proceeds

GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR

The one no mortal ever sees

Not my routing
Not my loan
Not a thing I've ever owned
Generated somewhere far away
Beyond where common bankers stray

🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵

[Verse 2]

Automated voice appeared
Cheerful, calm, and deeply feared
"Tell me what you're calling for."

[me]"Agent."

Nothing more.

[agent] "I'm sorry, I didn't understand."

[i scream]  "AGENT. REAL PERSON! AGENT."

[agent] "I can help with that."

[me] "AGENT.  GET ME AN AGENT! AGENT!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! AGENT!"

[agent] "Would you like to set a debit card PIN?"

[Spoken Interlude]

[me] "SERIOUSLY???? NO."

[agent] "Would you like information about overdraft protection?"

[angry] "No."

[agent] "Would you like to hear today's rates?"

[me] "IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. NO!!! AGENT!"

[agent] "Would you like to set a debit card PIN?"

[gutteral growl] " ...jesus christ."

[Build Pulsing synths Orchestral rise]

Customer service in disguise
Mortgage kingdom
Hidden gate

Please continue...

Estimated wait...

[Bridge]

A manager spoke
A prophecy came
"Seek the SWIFT code."

That wasn't its name

I crossed the branches

I crossed the phones

I crossed the menus made of bones

Then somewhere in the distance

A voice cried out:  "LOSS DRAFT DEPARTMENT!"

[FINAL CHORUS]

🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵

Reference of the chosen flood

GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR

Before the spreadsheets drink my blood

Not a SWIFT

And not a wire

Just a quest that won't retire

I only wanted cash today

Why is there a side quest in my way?!

🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵

[Outro]

[Spoken]

"Congratulations. You've reached the correct department."

"..."

call disconnected

🎵 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🎵

2357/7500

[Verse 1] I walked into the marble hall Just to cash a check, that's all The teller smiled and took a breath Then spoke the ancient words of death [agent] "You need a number." [me] "Okay....... which one?" [agent] "The special one." [me] "Where's it from?" [agent] "It must be generated." [me] "By whom?" [agent] "...we don't know." [Pre-Chorus] Forty minutes disappeared Nobody knew why I was here Phone trees whisper in the dark Every menu missed the mark [CHORUS] 🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵 Keeper of the flood proceeds GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR The one no mortal ever sees Not my routing Not my loan Not a thing I've ever owned Generated somewhere far away Beyond where common bankers stray 🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵 [Verse 2] Automated voice appeared Cheerful, calm, and deeply feared "Tell me what you're calling for." [me]"Agent." Nothing more. [agent] "I'm sorry, I didn't understand." [i scream] "AGENT. REAL PERSON! AGENT." [agent] "I can help with that." [me] "AGENT. GET ME AN AGENT! AGENT!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! AGENT!" [agent] "Would you like to set a debit card PIN?" [Spoken Interlude] [me] "SERIOUSLY???? NO." [agent] "Would you like information about overdraft protection?" [angry] "No." [agent] "Would you like to hear today's rates?" [me] "IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. NO!!! AGENT!" [agent] "Would you like to set a debit card PIN?" [gutteral growl] " ...jesus christ." [Build Pulsing synths Orchestral rise] Customer service in disguise Mortgage kingdom Hidden gate Please continue... Estimated wait... Estimated wait... Estimated wait... [Bridge] A manager spoke A prophecy came "Seek the SWIFT code." That wasn't its name I crossed the branches I crossed the phones I crossed the menus made of bones Then somewhere in the distance A voice cried out: "LOSS DRAFT DEPARTMENT!" [FINAL CHORUS] 🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵 Reference of the chosen flood GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR Before the spreadsheets drink my blood Not a SWIFT And not a wire Just a quest that won't retire I only wanted cash today Why is there a side quest in my way?! 🎵 GIVE ME THE SACRED NUMBERRRRR 🎵 [Outro] [Spoken] "Congratulations. You've reached the correct department." "..." "..." "..." call disconnected 🎵 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🎵

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