[Intro: charming loud male MC, over slap bass and clavinet] Hotel on the highway, two ballrooms and a hall I walked into the left one, and I should've read the wall [Verse 1: charming loud male MC, riding the funk] Late again, tie loose, card for my cousin Dre Envelope with fifty and a whole lot of "hey" Ballroom A was jumpin', I could hear the bass inside So I slid in through the kitchen like a man along for the ride Lady in a sequin dress grabbed me by the sleeve Said, "You must be cousin Teddy, thank the Lord, you didn't leave Teddy, you're the toast, and we been waitin' on you, hon Bride is Keisha, groom is Paul, and baby, you're the one" Now I'm standin' at the head table, two hundred people starin' Never seen a face in here, and I can feel my collar tearin' But a microphone is a microphone, and a glass is in my hand So I clear my throat and smile like it was always in the plan [Hook: charming loud male MC, full funk band, melodic] Raise 'em up, this one's a toast To the bride and to the groom and the folks who love 'em most I don't know your names, but I know what it means Raise 'em up, I'm toast if they ever check the seats [Verse 2: charming loud male MC, working the room] I said, "Paul, I seen you sweatin' since the minute I walked in Man, a sweat like that's the way a fella knows he's gonna win Keisha, every eye in here is waterin' for you Grandma in the front row got her hankie soakin' through" Picked the best man's cards up off the table by the cake Read the first line, "Paul's a great guy," and I made up all the break Said, "Love is showin' up when nobody saved a seat Like a cousin at a wedding, walkin' in on his own feet" Then I said, "To Paul and Keisha," and the whole place stood and roared Uncle hugged me, auntie kissed me, and the band hit one big chord [Hook: full funk band, melodic] Raise 'em up, this one's a toast To the bride and to the groom and the folks who love 'em most I don't know your names, but I know what it means Raise 'em up, I'm toast if they ever check the seats [Verse 3: charming loud male MC, the groove turns from straight funk to a swung shuffle under him] Then my phone starts buzzin' in my pocket like a fly Text from cousin Dre, it says, "Where you at, man? Why?" "Ballroom B, we waitin' on the toast for half an hour" And I look up at the easel, "Keisha and Paul," in flowers So I hug the bride, I hug the groom, I grab a plate to go Slide across the hallway like the hallway is a show Walk in Ballroom B, and Dre is lookin' like a judge He hands me the microphone and gives my back a little nudge Second toast tonight, and I already know the lines Two weddings, two toasts, and I'm two for two this time [Hook: full funk band, melodic] Raise 'em up, this one's a toast To the bride and to the groom and the folks who love 'em most I don't know your names, but I know what it means Raise 'em up, I'm toast if they ever check the seats [End]
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