How Can You Live With Yourselves?

How can you live with yourselves Knowing everything you know? Knowing how much she had given, How far she'd always go? Knowing the years I kept working for you, The money spent to help you build— Then turning all that love against us When I said, “We've given all we will.” You found the ground and brought it to us. You asked us to believe. We bought the place, we built the shop, Kept giving anything you'd need. Then I saw how you treated my wife, Heard what you'd said behind our backs. And I said, “She is done giving— Your behavior ended that.” So you took the problem to the county— What were you hoping for? Did you think that turning on your father Would make me give you more? How can you live with yourselves When the anger settles down? You can tell your story far and wide, Have people gather 'round. But all the voices on your side Can't change what you still know— How can you live with yourselves Knowing how far the damage goes? How do you sit in church on Sunday With that anger in your heart? Sing of mercy and forgiveness With your family torn apart? How do you reach for the sacrament, Remember what it means— Then carry all that anger home And leave it there between? How do you walk into the temple, Into everything that's there— Promises of family, love, Forgiveness, hope and prayer? I'm not the one who judges you. That's never been my place. I only wonder how you carry Both the anger and the faith. How can you live with yourselves With the story that you tell? You know what really happened, You know the full truth well. You can gather people to your side, But numbers don't make it right— Being believed is not the same As knowing what you say can stand the light. And here's the part I wonder If you've ever stopped to see: You didn't really ruin our lives When you walked away from me. We miss you, and we love you. That will always still be true. But we've found more peace and time together Since we stopped chasing after you. The greater cost fell somewhere else— On people who had no say. Grandchildren lost their grandparents. Cousins simply slipped away. Your sisters lost relationships. So many blessings gone, too. How many lives were pulled apart By the choices made by you? You'd already lost your mother. I was the parent you had left. Now you live as though you're orphans By a loss you chose yourselves. And that part is hard to understand— I'm living. I'm still here. You didn't have to lose your father To keep your mother dear. No one asked you to forget her. No one asked you to choose. But somehow loving me and Sharilee Became something you could lose. How can you live with yourselves Knowing what your anger cost? Not just money, land or buildings, Look at all that has been tossed. You can gather people 'round you, But that can't restore what's lost. A thousand people believing you Can't turn a lie to truth— No matter how many stand beside you, You know what you knew. How can you live with yourselves When you kneel at night to pray? How can you ask the Lord for mercy, When no mercy came our way? When it's only you and Heaven, And there's nothing left to prove— Do you ever hear a sliver Of the truth you always knew? I can't answer that question for you. Only you know what is true. Only you know what gets quieter And what keeps speaking to you. Maybe you've made your peace with it. Maybe you really believe you're right. But nearly one whole year has passed— And sometimes I wonder why. Maybe living with the distance Gets easier for you day by day... Or maybe living with what you know Is the reason you stay away.