Uneasy Mc Donalds

(Fiddle and guitar kick in hard — narrator talks fast over a rolling groove) Verse 1 Well I was drivin' down the interstate around half past ten Stomach growlin' like a hound dog, I pulled off again Saw them golden arches shinin' like the promised land Pulled into the drive-thru with a twenty in my hand The speaker crackled something, couldn't make it out I said a Number Two with a Coke, no doubt She said "Pull around to the window" so I did just that And a kid with headphones handed me a bag that was flat Chorus 'Cause McDonald's is your kind of place Hamburgers in your face French fries between your toes And pickles up your nose Ketchup running down your back I want my money back Before I have a heart attack! Verse 2 Well I opened up that bag and son I nearly cried They gave me a fish sandwich and some fries on the side I don't eat no fish and I told 'em plain as day So I pulled back around and got back in the way The line wrapped round the building and out into the street Some fella in a Camry honked and gave me heat I smiled and waved politely like my mama taught me right Then I went inside to finish what they started that night Chorus 'Cause McDonald's is your kind of place Hamburgers in your face French fries between your toes And pickles up your nose Ketchup running down your back I want my money back Before I have a heart attack! Verse 3 — the breakdown Well the manager's name was Darryl, had a name tag said so He looked at my receipt like he was putting on a show Said "Sir our policy is — " I said "Darryl, stop right there I drove forty minutes, I've got ketchup in my hair The McFlurry machine's been broke since 2004 My fries are cold, my Coke is warm, I don't want nothin' more Than the burger that I ordered when I pulled up to that box A simple cheeseburger, Darryl, not a fish fillet on rocks" Well Darryl scratched his head a while and punched some buttons there And handed me a coupon for a free small order of — air Chorus 'Cause McDonald's is your kind of place Hamburgers in your face French fries between your toes And pickles up your nose Ketchup running down your back I want my money back Before I have a heart attack! Outro — talking it down Well I ate the fish sandwich in the parking lot alone Called my wife, she laughed so hard she nearly dropped the phone Said "Baby just come home, I'll make you something good" I said "Honey I'll be there just as fast as I could" But I'm gonna need some gas and there's a McDonald's near the station And I think I want some nuggets — it's a complicated nation (fiddle tears it up — fade out)