[Intro: Instrumental only — dirty slide guitar, loose shuffle drums, harmonica wheezing like an old man complaining] [Verse 1 — Male vocals: Raspy, bitter, half-spoken] Well, I bought myself a walking pad The stupidest damn idea I ever had A little black machine in the middle of my room Gonna sweat my way straight to an early tomb Five-point-five on the digital display And I'm already cussing at the break of day My knees start talking, my back says no But the damn thing keeps on telling me to go [Chorus — Male vocals: Gravelly, shouted with drunken swagger] WALK IT OFF, YOU BASTARD! PUT ONE FOOT DOWN! YOU AIN'T CROSSING TEXAS YOU'RE JUST PACING ROUND! WALK IT OFF, YOU BASTARD! DON'T YOU DARE SIT DOWN! YOU MAY BE A MESS, BOY BUT YOU'RE STILL AROUND! [Instrumental Fill — Wailing harmonica, crooked slide guitar lick] [Verse 2 — Male vocals: Sarcastic, increasingly animated] Five-point-seven, look at me fly At this rate I'll be home by July No cheering crowd, no finish line Just a sweaty old fool doing perfectly fine My shirt's soaked through, my hair's a crime I've been walking for what feels like half my lifetime I used to dream of a life of fame Now I'm proud I remember my own damn name [Chorus — Male vocals: Loud, rowdy, gang shouts underneath] WALK IT OFF, YOU BASTARD! PUT ONE FOOT DOWN! YOU AIN'T CROSSING TEXAS YOU'RE JUST PACING ROUND! WALK IT OFF, YOU BASTARD! DON'T YOU DARE SIT DOWN! YOU MAY BE A MESS, BOY BUT YOU'RE STILL AROUND! [Verse 3 — Male vocals: Darkly funny, weary growl] That little machine has got a wicked grin It knows every weakness that I've ever been It don't take excuses, it don't take cash It just eats my minutes and it makes me sweat fast I ain't getting younger, that much is clear But I'm not letting old age steer If all I do is walk today That's one more thing the devil can't take away [Bridge — Male vocals: Spoken, bitterly amused; drums drop to a loose kick and snare] Now listen here, you miserable old sack... You ain't gotta run a marathon You ain't gotta look like a movie star You just gotta keep those two feet moving Till the damn song's over And if that ain't a victory... Well, hell. I'll take it anyway. [Harmonica Solo — Bent, ragged notes over dirty slide guitar and loose drums] [Final Chorus — Male vocals: Full-throated, rowdy and triumphant] WALK IT OFF, YOU BASTARD! PUT ONE FOOT DOWN! YOU AIN'T CROSSING TEXAS BUT YOU'RE STILL IN TOWN! WALK IT OFF, YOU BASTARD! LET THE WHOLE WORLD FROWN! I MAY BE A WRECK, BOY BUT I AIN'T GOING DOWN! WALK IT OFF! WALK IT OFF! ONE MORE MINUTE, SHAKE IT OFF! [Outro — Male vocals: Exhausted chuckle, guitar still grinding] Five-point-five... Look at me go. Somebody get me a chair. [Instrumental ending — One last ugly slide guitar bend, loose drum hit, harmonica wheeze fading away]
