I keep trying to say it the right way in my head but it shifts a little every time I get close to it like something is adjusting it just before I land on it April, June no, that’s not how it goes I knew this once, I know I did it just won’t stay where I put it The itsy bitsy spider …no, that’s not right All except my dear grandmother There’s a little red tricycle just outside and I didn’t think anything of it at first I mean it could belong to anyone, that’s normal it’s just there, it doesn’t mean anything The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the I keep noticing it again like I didn’t already like it resets when I look away I don’t use it, I don’t I just sometimes I’m already on it before I notice and that doesn’t make sense, I know it doesn’t but it feels normal while it’s happening Down came the rain and washed the spider out like I’ve done it enough times for it to feel familiar like my body doesn’t need me to decide anymore I tried writing it down so it wouldn’t change again but when I looked back it wasn’t what I wrote anymore and I know how that sounds, I do I just don’t remember choosing anything different Out came the sun and dried up all the rain there were marks on the ground this morning in small circles I don’t remember making them All except …no, that part stays I tried to stay inside today so I wouldn’t think about it but I kept leaning forward without meaning to like my body was already positioned for something The itsy bitsy spider climbed up again and I had to stop myself more than once which is that’s not something I should have to do my hands smelled like metal earlier I don’t remember touching it I don’t use it, I don’t but it feels like I’ve been using it for longer than I remember long enough that stopping would feel wrong The itsy bitsy spider the itsy bitsy and I don’t know when that would have started It’s closer now, I can see it from here and I didn’t hear it move The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the it’s just there now and I keep thinking if I open the door I already know what I’m going to The itsy bitsy spider climbed up again …I didn’t mean to say that
