[Intro: spoken, playful, over slap bass and horn stab] Open at six. Detergent on the left. Attitude on the right. Washer seven eats socks. That is not a rumor. That is policy. [Verse 1: female lead, funky pocket, clear sung-rap delivery] I run twenty-four drums and a change machine that judges you If your quarters are sticky I send you back to the car Name is on the board in red. Do not ask for Carol. Carol quit I am the one who unjams the door with a butter knife and a prayer Lady in dryer three keeps checking her phone like the spin cycle owes her money Sir in washer nine folded his jeans before they were dry. I almost cried I keep a jar labeled sock tax by the folding table When seven eats a pair you tip the jar and keep it moving Somebody tried to wash a pillow in a mesh bag. Bold. Wrong. Memorable I handed them a towel and a life lesson in under a minute Lost-and-found has one glove, two left shoes, and a wedding ring nobody claims I put a note on the board. Still there. Still shiny. Still nobody brave [Hook: big sung hook, horns answer, gang shout on last line] I am the lint trap queen, wash day throne Quarters in the cup and the bass trombone Seven eats socks but the floor still shines If you cannot fold it right you wait in line Hey! Fold it right! [Verse 2: bounce harder, horn hits on the two] Tuesday night the college kids try to run a party in row B I cut the lights for four seconds. Party over. Fold your blues Little kid lost his cape in dryer one. I found it warm Handed it back like a medal. He bowed. I bowed. Whole row clapped Old Mr. Ruiz brings bolero records and a folding chair He dances between the loads like the lint is confetti I joined him once. Slap bass in my head. Horns in the vents Now every Wednesday is unofficial dance night and I pretend I did not start it Vending machine sells soap that smells like a car freshener I stock the good brand under the counter for people who ask nice Rainy Saturdays the place fills with coats and excuses I hand out dryer sheets like communion and keep the line honest [Bridge: spoken call, finger snaps, bass only] Rule one. Shake it out before you dry. Rule two. Seven is hungry. Feed the jar. Rule three. If you leave wet clothes overnight I fold them wrong on purpose. You have been warned. [Break: horn riff, spoken ad-libs] Change machine just rejected a dollar that looked honest. I know the feeling. Keep trying. [Verse 3: short, fun, leads into final hook] Last call for softener. Last call for pride Somebody's red sock just turned a whole load pink and tried to hide I do not do refunds for courage that failed I do a dance and hand you a stain stick. Details Closing checklist: wipe the tops, empty the traps, count the jar Seven took three more. Jar buys the good detergent. Circle of life I lock the door, leave one light on over seven like a nightlight for a gremlin Tomorrow we do it again. Bring dry quarters. Bring better judgment. [Hook: big sung hook, full horns, gang shout] I am the lint trap queen, wash day throne Quarters in the cup and the bass trombone Seven eats socks but the floor still shines If you cannot fold it right you wait in line Hey! Fold it right! [Outro: spoken, machines winding down] Washer seven just took another sock. Jar is full. I buy the good detergent. See you Thursday. Bring dry quarters.
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