[Verse 1] We came with lanyards, suits and flair, A brown badge and a vacant stare. “We love democracy, of course— As long as no one sets the course.” We brought you coffee, hosted chats, Said freedom fifty times (no stats). “Regulation's fine,” we claim— “So long as everything stays the same.” [Chorus] Please don’t regulate us, we’re too small to fail! Just humble platforms setting sail. We only host the world’s ideas— (Unless they hurt our financiers.) Don’t break the system with your laws, You’ll scare the VCs! Think of the cause! Innovation needs a gentle touch— Like zero rules, and revenue much. [Verse 2] “We're here to help,” we always say, While nudging user rights away. “You don’t want fragmentation, no— So let our standards set the flow.” You want enforcement? What a shame— That might hurt a unicorn’s name! And startups need our data too… (At least the ones we don’t subdue.) [Bridge] Think of the children, think of choice! (Just don’t give civil groups a voice.) We’ll sign a pledge, we’ll host a lab, And throw a summit when things go bad. We’re just the middlemen, you see— Who also own the directory. So trust us, friends, and look away— Let Brussels rest another day. [Chorus] Please don’t regulate us, it’s too soon to act! We haven’t finished our impact pact. Self-regulation’s working great— Ignore the breaches, bugs, and hate. We’re pro-privacy, in theory, sure… (Just not enough to close the door.) A gentle nudge is all we need— And your consumer rights... we’ll read. [Verse 3] We've got the numbers, got the spin, We say “Europe leads!” and then we grin. “Your values matter”—yes, they do— So long as they align with you-know-who. We don’t resist, we just suggest— That doing nothing is what’s best. You wouldn't want to stifle dreams— Or worse, get bad reviews in memes. [Final Chorus] Please don’t regulate us, just delay instead! Let’s launch another Taskforce thread. Or form a panel, maybe two— We’ll moderate the speakers too. We’re global, friendly, and sincere— And lobbying’s our love language here. So thanks for listening, thanks a ton— You’ve passed the bill… to no one.
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