Kia Orana (Part I: Cheese, Coffee & Calm Seas)

### [Spoken Intro] **Captain:** Right then, crew... from the top! *(Table pounding begins)* **Captain:** HOW MUCH CHEESE HAVE WE ABOARD? **Crew:** TOO DAMN MUCH!! *(Fiddle and accordion kick in.)* --- ## [Verse 1] Six good sailors, ten fine days aboard Kia Orana's pride, Casting off from Bellingham with laughter as our guide. Sucia first and Stuart next, the islands called our name, Though the wind preferred a holiday, the sunshine was our gain. --- ## [Chorus] **Lead:** Heave away, Kia Orana! **Crew:** HEAVE AWAY! HEAVE AWAY! **Lead:** How much cheese have we aboard? **Crew:** Enough to last a thousand days! **Lead:** How much coffee do we need? **Crew:** EVERY KIND CONCEIVED! **All:** Keep us off the dreaded lee, And someone pass the brie! --- ## [Verse 2] Birgit claimed the sun deck where the warmest breezes played, Teri ruled the comfy couch beneath the cabin shade. Mark climbed in his sarcophagus to keep from getting cross, While Barb and Steve slept sardine-tight despite the nightly toss. --- ## [Chorus] **Lead:** More cheese? **Crew:** AYE! **Lead:** More coffee? **Crew:** AYE! **Lead:** More chips? **Crew:** ALWAYS! **All:** Keep us off the dreaded lee, We've packed another pantry! --- ## [Verse 3] Tania had a cabin all to herself... or so she'd hoped it'd be, Till luggage multiplied like SCOBYs growing happily. Every locker overflowed with things we'd surely need, Prepared for every circumstance... except perhaps for speed. Four hundred pounds of cheese aboard could feed a village fair, Coffee pods a hundred strong with French press everywhere. Instant tucked in every nook wherever one could peek, If caffeine failed to wake us up, the cheddar sure would speak! --- ## [Chorus] **Lead:** Wind report? **Crew:** STILL WAITING! **Lead:** Cheese report? **Crew:** OUTSTANDING! **Lead:** Coffee report? **Crew:** RUNNING BEAUTIFULLY! **All:** Keep us off the dreaded lee, We'll drift on caffeine! --- ## [Verse 4] At Sucia came the dinghy dance, around in circles spun, The outboard gave us nothing so the rowing had begun. Out came all the oars instead while laughter filled the bay, Poor Barb rowed us home like Neptune's favorite of the day. Loading up the dinghy meant diving headfirst through the air, "We've got you, girl!" before poor Barb knew she was there. One mighty tug, one startled face, one perfectly timed scream, A treasured memory forever in our crew esteem. --- ## [Final Chorus] **Lead:** Heave away, Kia Orana! **Crew:** HEAVE AWAY! HEAVE AWAY! **Lead:** Wind report? **Crew:** STILL WAITING! **Lead:** Cheese report? **Crew:** STILL HAVE PLENTY! **Lead:** Coffee report? **Crew:** PUT THE KETTLE ON! **Lead:** What's our plan if we should sink? **Crew:** LIVE ON CHEESE! **Lead:** And what shall we drink? **Crew:** COFFEE!! **Lead:** And if the wind still doesn't blow? **Crew:** SOMEBODY ROW!! **All:** Keep us off the dreaded lee! Mind the tugboats, if you please! With coffee hot and spirits free... **AND SOMEONE PASS THE BRIE!**