Come along with me let’s head out to sea. It’s Dylan and Cole Sprouse, you can all come say hi. Let’s take a walk with them on this journey, to see their sweet sweet lives. Yo, the first show was crazy, I can’t even lie. Moseby’s swinging on a chandelier and Ashley Tisdale was still alive. Don’t try to keep track of their ages, your time is valuable and I’m here to save it, They start out younger than London, that’s stated, but eventually their papers are by the same person, graded. There’s Esteban Hulio Ricardo De La Rosa Ramirez, and of course he’s an absolute hoot. The boys mom Carrey is a singer, and sometimes she’s there too. Arwin is crazy, and his inventions would wreak havoc if Moseby weren’t always there to stop the antics before they’ve begun. Plus, he’s told Moseby and the boys before that he’d live in Carey’s attic, if only she had one. (What the hell?) Zack and Cody are a rambunctious duo, even with their best intentions at heart. Zack is a little more rowdy, whereas Cody’s whole thing is that he’s smart. Come along with me let’s head out to sea. It’s Dylan and Cole Sprouse, you can all come say hi. Let’s take a walk with them on this journey, to see their sweet sweet lives. Then things take a turn, they’re older but haven’t really learned. Carrey trusts them, with Moseby aboard so the boys end up marching their way from port to starboard. Hilarity ensues, sexism and transphobia too. But it’s all good, that’s early two thousands Disney for you. Bailey’s a farm girl, her romance with Cody is hot fire. Woody’s gross, weird and not funny, but still gets more screen time than Tutweiller. London Tipton is aboard, somehow even younger. And Kirby’s securing the area, until of course he feels the hunger. They’re all on this ship ready to take this franchise to a whole new level. With them, on a personal trip to see the falls and rises, while Disney executives meddle. Come along with me let’s head out to sea. It’s Dylan and Cole Sprouse, you can all come say hi. Let’s take a walk with them on this journey, to see their sweet sweet lives. I wish the show hadn’t tanked so hard, it used to have morals and some actual heart. But in the end, Disney did what it does again, and pandered to it’s audience instead of staying true to their brand. Thank you Sprouse brothers, you probably did the best with what you were given, but that doesn’t mean ruining one of my favorite childhood shows is forgiven. Come along with me, let’s head out to sea. It’s Dylan and Cole Sprouse, come say hi. Let’s take a walk with them at the end of this journey. At least the memories were some sweet sweet times.
