I Really Did Want to Be Saved

[Intro] さよならって言わないで 聞かれたくないだけだから 笑ってるのにね、ほら 誰も　止めなかったんだね Don’t say goodbye— I just didn’t want the questions. Even though I’m smiling, see? No one… no one stopped me anyway. [Verse 1] 「声が震えてる？」自分で気づいて 笑ったふりで誤魔化して 画面の角で消えてく私は まるで通知の切れたアイドルみたい フードの中は世界の裏 "バレない"はずの涙がバレてる 泣いてないよ、眠いだけって それって泣いてるってことだよね？ “Your voice is shaking”—yeah, I noticed. Laughed it off like I meant to. The corner of the screen blurs again— I’m fading like an old alert that never went through. My hoodie’s hiding the underside of the world. And the tears I swore were invisible? You saw them. I’m not crying, I’m just tired again… But that’s the same thing, isn’t it? [Pre-Chorus 1] わたしが言う「大丈夫」って “助けて”の言い換えじゃん 君はきっと気づいてたけど 気づかないふりが上手だったね Every time I said “I’m fine,” it was just "help me" in cuter words. You noticed, didn’t you? You were just really good at pretending not to. [Chorus 1] 夜がわたしを撫でてくる ビルの風が優しすぎてむかつく 「飛ばないで」って言われたら たぶん…飛んでたと思う 君が見てるって知ってたのに コメントが「草」だけだったから さよならの代わりに、 ひとつ笑ってみただけ The night runs its fingers through my hair. The wind’s too gentle—it pisses me off. If someone told me not to jump… I think I still would’ve. I knew you were watching. But the only comment was “lol.” So instead of goodbye, I just smiled—once. [Verse 2] 今日の夢、あの子が泣いてた でも私の顔で泣いてた 「大丈夫」って言ったら消えて 残ったのは制服と、私じゃない私 誰かが言った「明日があるよ」 じゃあ今日が終わってもいいでしょ？ 明日が来るって約束、 誰もしてくれなかったし I had a dream today. A girl was crying in the corner. She had my face. When I told her “it’s okay,” she disappeared. All that was left was a uniform. And a version of me I didn’t recognize. Someone said, “You’ve got tomorrow.” So I figured it’s okay if today ends. No one promised tomorrow anyway. [Pre-Chorus 2] 手首の話はもう飽きた “かまちょ”って言うなよ、ほんとはこっちが怖いんだ 優しさは毒になるって 知ってるくせに君、優しかったね I’m tired of talking about my wrists. Don’t call it attention-seeking when I’m the one scared of being seen. Kindness turns poisonous fast. You knew that, and still—you were kind. [Chorus 2] 屋上の風が嘘を吸って わたしの声も嘘になった 誰も信じないって決めたのに 君の返信、待ってたんだ 「今どこ？」って聞かれたくて 通知が来ないスマホを見てた さよならって言えたら もっとダサくて救われたかな The rooftop wind eats my lies. Even my voice feels fake up here. I swore I’d stop trusting people, but I still checked my phone for your reply. I wanted you to ask where I was. I kept staring at the blank screen. Maybe if I’d actually said “goodbye,” it would’ve sounded stupid enough to save me. [Bridge] 「夢は魔女になりたい」 って笑ってた小学生の私へ 今の私は、 箒もないし、飛ぶ理由もないよ どこで間違えたの？ 違う、間違ってない ただ正しい道が わたしを選ばなかっただけ 学校も 親も 友だちも 神様も ぜんぶ　ぜんぶ ちょっとずつ遅かっただけ “Someday I wanna be a witch!” That’s what I said in elementary school, remember? Now I don’t have a broom. And I don’t have a reason to fly. Where did it all go wrong? No—nothing went wrong. The right path just never picked me. School didn’t. My parents didn’t. Friends didn’t. God didn’t. Everyone was just a little bit too late. [Build-Up] バイバイも言わないまま タイムラインが流れていく 涙じゃなくて、 ただ静かになっていくだけ I didn’t even say bye. The timeline just kept scrolling. No tears. Just a slow, quiet fade-out. [Final Chorus] 夜が割れる音、君には聞こえた？ 笑い声がエコーで遠ざかる さよならを言いたかったのに 言える声がもう残ってなかった わたしを止めなかったのは 君が悪いわけじゃないけど 君が止めたら、 わたし、止まってたと思う それだけなの ほんとにそれだけだったの ねえ、あの時さ 「やめて」って言ってくれてたら きっと私は まだこの部屋で 息をしてたよね？ Did you hear the sound of the night breaking? My laugh echoing like a bad signal? I wanted to say goodbye. But the words were already gone. You didn’t stop me. And no—it’s not your fault. But if you had said something… I think I would’ve stayed. That’s all it was. Really. That’s all. If you had just said “Don’t go” back then— I’d still be in that room. Still breathing. Still… here.