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Not What You Wanted

イコマ - icoma -
Industrial Trance, Dark Ritualistic, 140 BPM, driven by a relentless four-on-the-floor kick, syncopated hand percussion and ceremonial drums, with deep controlled sub-bass beneath fractured glitch textures, metallic edits and restrained machine noise, layered chant vocals and distant vocoder whispers build a collective ritual atmosphere, focused cathedral reverb adds scale without washing out the groove, while tape saturation and parallel compression create physical weight, the arrangement rises through accumulating layers, sudden gaps and collapsing mechanical echoes, keeping subtle timing asymmetry and imperfect rhythmic collisions as intentional tension, before reaching a massive drone-led climax suggesting post-human rebirth and techno-spiritual transcendence, maintain clear low-mids, controlled sub-bass and defined stereo separation, avoid muddy resonance, frequency masking, harsh sibilance, vocal clipping, uncontrolled distortion, excessive compression, crushed dynamics

親に褒められたくて、期待された子供を演じてきた。細い糸をたどり、あなたの望む場所まで歩いた。その先にいたのは、愛された僕なのか、演じ続けた誰かなのか。ただ、ひとりの人間として愛されたかった。 I spent my childhood trying to earn my parents' praise, becoming the child they expected me to be. I followed that fragile thread all the way to the place they wanted me to reach. But when I finally got there, I couldn't tell if it was the me they loved, or someone I'd spent my whole life pretending to be. All I ever wanted was to be loved simply as a human being. ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー ーーThe English lyrics are written below the Japanese lyricsーー [Verse 1] 小さなころは褒められたくて 嫌いなものまで好きと言った テストの点も賞状の数も 増えるたび あなたは笑ってくれた [Pre Chorus] あなたが望む未来の中で 僕はいつでも笑っていた [Chorus] 僕はハズレでしたか？ あなたが引いたあの日のくじで 僕はハズレでしたか？ 思っていたより 出来が悪かったですか？ あなたの好きな僕を ずっと演じていた それだけだった [Verse 2] 友達の子はいい大学に入った あの子は今立派な会社にいる 僕の話になると「健康なら」 その四文字だけがなぜか痛かった [Pre Chorus] あなたが欲しかったのは 僕じゃなくて 自慢できる僕だったのかな [Chorus] 僕はハズレでしたか？ あなたが選んだ未来の中で 僕はハズレでしたか？ 箱を開けたら違うものだった？ 振り向くたび点数をつけられて 僕は僕を見失っていた [Bridge] もし僕が望んだ場所で 望んだ誰かと笑っていたなら 今でも僕に「いい子だね」と 言ってくれますか？ [Chorus] 僕はハズレじゃない あなたの当たりじゃなかっただけ あなたに選ばれるためじゃなく 僕が選んだ明日を 生きていきたいんだ でも最後にひとつだけ 僕が生まれた日 あなたは嬉しかったですか？ ーーーーーEnglishーーーーー [Verse 1] When I was young, I wanted your praise So I learned to love the things I hated Test scores, trophies, every little prize Every time they added up You would smile at me [Pre Chorus] In the future you had planned for me I was always smiling [Chorus] Was I the wrong one? The one you drew From that old lottery Was I the wrong one? Was I less than What you thought I'd be? I spent all those years Being the boy you wanted Maybe that's all I ever was [Verse 2] Your friend's kid went off to college That other one got a great job But when it came to talking about me You'd just say, "As long as he's healthy" Those four little words Somehow hurt the most [Pre Chorus] Maybe what you wanted Wasn't really me Just someone You could be proud of [Chorus] Was I the wrong one? In the future You had chosen for me Was I the wrong one? Did you open the box And find something else inside? Every time I turned around I felt another score beside my name Until one day I couldn't find myself [Bridge] If I had lived Where you wanted me to Smiled beside The person you wanted me with Would you still look at me And say, "Good boy" Would you still be proud of me? [Chorus] I wasn't the wrong one I just wasn't Your winning ticket I don't want to live Just to be chosen by you I want to live tomorrow On a road I chose myself But there's just one thing I need to ask The day I was born Were you happy? Were you happy That I was here?