[Intro – Scrappy guitar riff, pounding drums] [Spoken, deadpan] Black hoodie. Empty wallet. Three coupons. No witnesses. [Shouted] CLEARANCE ISLE! LET’S GO! [Verse 1 – Fast, bratty vocals] Black hoodie, shopping cart, Five whole dollars and a work of art. Two-buck noodles, discount soap, Living large on a shoestring hope! Sticker says seventy percent, Don’t even need it, money well spent! Loyalty card in my back pocket, See that price drop? I’m gonna rock it! [Pre-Chorus – Building tension] Grandma’s reaching for the last green tea, Sorry, sweetheart, that one’s for me! She gives me a look, I give one back, Two grown adults about to attack! [Chorus – Explosive gang vocals] DOLLAR STORE NINJA! Blink and you’ll miss me! Five-buck fortune! Living dangerously! HEY! HEY! Clip that deal! HEY! HEY! The struggle is real! DOLLAR STORE NINJA! Cheap thrills, big dreams! I’m the undefeated champion Of the clearance isle scene! [Verse 2 – Punchy, sarcastic] Self-checkout’s having a breakdown, One little candle, charged for the whole town! Red light flashing, employee sighs, Standing here with innocent eyes. Paper towels stacked like a royal throne, Plastic bag cape, I’m taking it home! Cashier says, “You saved a buck!” I yell, “THAT’S RIGHT!” And the line says, “What?” [Chorus – Gang vocals] DOLLAR STORE NINJA! Blink and you’ll miss me! Five-buck fortune! Living dangerously! HEY! HEY! Clip that deal! HEY! HEY! The struggle is real! [Bridge – Bass and drums, spoken exchange] [Lead] They say money can’t buy happiness. [Band] YEAH? [Lead] But it bought me seventeen candles. [Band] WHY?! [Lead] I DON’T KNOW! THEY WERE ON SALE! [Instrumental – Wild, messy guitar solo] [Verse 3 – Fast, escalating] BOGO socks and a dented can, Came for milk, now I need a van! Receipt so long it hits the floor, Security’s watching me head for the door. Grandma’s waiting in the parking lot, Holding the tea I thought I got. She winks and says, “Better luck next week.” I bow my head. Respect the technique. [Final Chorus – Full band, shouted] DOLLAR STORE NINJA! Blink and you’ll miss me! Five-buck fortune! Living dangerously! HEY! HEY! Clip that deal! HEY! HEY! The struggle is real! DOLLAR STORE NINJA! Cheap thrills, big dreams! I’m the undefeated champion Of the clearance isle scene! [Outro – Instruments cut out] [Spoken, exhausted] Mission complete. [Pause] Wait. I forgot the milk. [Final guitar crash]
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