[Verse 1] Well, I was rollin' down Route 55, Coffee in my gut, feelin' barely alive, When the rumble hit me harder than a freight train's horn. Pulled off the road, found a patch of weeds, With the kind of urgency no prayer could heed, And a semi honked as I gave the world my mourn. [Chorus] Have you ever had to shit in the ditch, When your bootyhole’s aching and it hurts like a bitch, And all you’ve got to wipe with is Armor-All? I’m telling you, son, it ain’t much fun, Trying to get the dooky from between these buns, While a highway full of semi's can see your all. [Verse 2] There was gravel digging deep in my knees, And the wind was colder than a winter freeze, But I knew I couldn’t stop till the deed was done. The harmonica laughed in the back of my mind, As I cursed that breakfast combo for treatin’ me unkind, And prayed no trucker had a camera just for fun. [Prechorus] Oh, the shame, oh, the pain, Oh, the sound of trucks again— [Chorus] Have you ever had to shit in the ditch, When your bootyhole’s aching and it hurts like a bitch, And all you’ve got to wipe with is Armor-All? I’m telling you, son, it ain’t much fun, Trying to get the dooky from between these buns, While a highway full of semi's can see your all. [Bridge] Now I’ve learned my lesson, keep a roll in the truck, For the moments life hands you a pile of bad luck. Forget the fast food, keep it plain and light, ‘Cause Armor-All ain’t soft, and the ditch ain’t right.
