Now I grip her ghost In the corners of my cortex, Spinning in a garden where the oak trees undress Sun shatters through the vines, It reminds me I’m divine, If I could just align with her, The sky would write the rest. I knight the quest, Open mic inside a wreckage, Wading through the best fit Just to find the wrong direction. My hope floats crooked In a gutter of the threshold, Still I rise like smoke signals Off a candle in the ghetto. Built a shrine inside my chest, Hung a token on the mantle, In the mansion of my ribcage Where I wrestle with the fragile Tryna understand the man That I must grow into to grab her, While the Tom, Dick and Harrys stagger Off the path and praise disaster. See, I try to read her heart Like it’s written in hieroglyphics, But the ink fades fast When my fear gets specific. If I drop all my delusions, Clean this mirror of confusion, Maybe then I’d see her truest, Maybe then I’d move more fluid. I see her face among strangers And I trace it with a blank stare, Just in case, I keep the faith Like believers that breathe the rare air. One year out from bars, Now I’m posted on these stools, Still a court jester In the kingdom of these fools. They say put your spirit out And the world returns the favor, But I’m pushing all my chips And keep receiving back the vapor. No callbacks, Just silence and statistics, Patterns so abusive They resemble old logistics. Every early fall Is just another bitter lesson, Ain’t no map to this connection, Just regret and failed confession. Who’s investin’ in the waiting? Not I denied, I got my sights on someone Who could split the sky. She a canvas in a thunderstorm, A calm I wanna kidnap, Lift her from this cruel parade And bless her with some gift wrap Not the bland kind, But the rare line that defines what lacks Within her thoughts Like a scarf in collapse. She deserves more than that Discount hearts and hand me down plans, I’m higher than perception Of these bargain brand scams. Get off that gold pedestal, Your treasure ain’t your dress code It’s buried in your wreckage, Where the broken ones confess most. And yeah, I might be reaching, But belief’s the only sin When the picky choose the perfect While the worthy wait within. I’m a general in this war, Yeah, I lead the charge alone, Want what’s meant, not what’s offered I toast the many unknowns. I toast the man and woman Who can see they fit together, ’Cause for all I know I might be chasing this forever. I don’t talk in riddles, I make writtens with precision, You be speakin’ circles tryna claim you got the vision. Tell me what you feel, no fibbin’, and I’ll listen You attach to the mission like its religion, superstition. I ain’t tryna argue, I decode alone, Got a pocket full of stones like a broken home. Wrote books on the looks I thought meant more, But the doors stayed locked cuz the inside haunted to the core. Missed stares, missed flares, missed chance at air, missed “Wooooooooooooo!!!!!!” Like Rick Flair. Destiny’s a crook with an angel dust stare. Only open doors for the men with shares, While the rest of us float in dreams with prayers. She draped in lace and the poison’s loud, She flex very proud but the doubt’s her crown. I just want a second in the rain cloud she shrouds, Before I fold these wings and bounce from town. They say soulmates ain’t real, just chance Just trauma bonds and circumstance. But I still roam with my heart in hand, Tryna draw that line in the dirt and sand. So look one more time with a glance so cold, Words so sharp it could slit my soul. Just one last glimpse, that’s all I hold Then I’ll vanish in the fold, like a page left torn, Heart stitched shut where the thorns been born. Tryna find light in a world so worn, But the desire don’t last in a bed that’s scorned. She walked with a grace but her past was steel, Spoke soft lies dressed up as real. I peeled back layers just to feel that field, But the soil turned rotten underneath my heel. I seen love crash in a silent riot, A burst in the chest of a man gone quiet. I been that in the past, I’ve worn that wire, Held desire in my bones like a kiln on fire. Now I breathe through a bruise like a seasoned veteran, Don’t need no pills, no therapy , no medicine. I just drift with the wind and the weight I lug, Got a list of regrets and a need for love. I said “show me your scars, not your filtered face,” But she posed for the world in a mask of grace. I ain’t mad, I relate, we all got our gates, Locked tight with words we can’t translate. So I curse in the dark like a dusk lit sin, Prayin’ one day she gon’ let me in. If not, that’s fine, I still shed my skin, Still swing at the silence where her orbit thins.
