[Intro] [Cheesy, synthesized bossa nova beat. A very smooth, boring saxophone.] [Verse 1] [Spoken] Thank you for your patience. Your brain is currently experiencing a higher-than-average volume of existential dread. Please stay on the line. [Chorus] [Melodic humming, smooth and repetitive] I’m having a moment, please hold. My thoughts are on ice, and my courage is cold. I walked in the kitchen to find... something... I think? But now I’m just staring at the drain in the sink. (Spoken: Why did I come in here? Was it for a spoon? Did I ever even own a spoon?) [Musical Break] [A repetitive, slightly glitchy elevator music loop] [Bridge] [Vocal ad-libs, dreamy and distant] The file you are looking for... "Identity"... has been moved to a temporary folder. Please wait while we attempt to restart... Everything. (Spoken: I think I’ll just stand here until the sun goes down. That seems productive.) [Outro] [Spoken] Your call is important to us. Please... stay... on... the... [A long electronic beep] [End]
