[Intro] [One tired sailor, spoken-sung] Three days out of Nassau, And already we’re doomed. [Crew] AYE. [Lead] Who packed the water? [Crew] THE COOK. [Lead] Who checked the sails? [Crew] THE COOK. [Lead] Who hired the cook? [Pause] [Crew] THE CAPTAIN. [Verse 1] We left Nassau at break of day, With a fair south wind to speed our way, The captain smiled, the sky was blue, The crew was sober, mostly too, By noon the mainmast cracked in two, By one the bilge was leaking through, By two we’d lost the forward spar, And Nassau wasn’t very far. [Chorus] Three days out of Nassau, And everything has gone to hell, The mast is bent, the rum is warm, And something’s living in the well, Three days out of Nassau, We haven’t even crossed the bay, If this is how the voyage starts, We’ll all be dead by Saturday. [Verse 2] The cook served stew on Tuesday night, It smelled like tar and looked like spite, Old Ned took one uncertain bite, Then disappeared from human sight, We found him hanging off the rail, As green and limp as rotten sail, The cook said, “Needs a touch more thyme.” We threw the bastard in this time. [Crew] THE STEW OR THE COOK? [Lead] THE STEW. [Crew] SHAME. [Verse 3] At dawn we found the drinking cask, Was vinegar beneath its mask, The second barrel held no beer, The third held something we still fear, The fourth was empty, fifth was gin, Which briefly raised the crew’s good chin, Then Tom fell in while pouring some, So now we’ve lost both Tom and rum. [Chorus] Three days out of Nassau, And everything has gone to hell, The mast is bent, the rum is gone, And Ned still doesn’t look too well, Three days out of Nassau, The captain says we’re doing fine, So somebody please explain to me, Why seawater’s coming through the wine. [Work Break] [Fast call-and-response, voices only] Bucket! (BUCKET!) Rope! (ROPE!) Hammer! (HAMMER!) Hope! (NOPE!) Patch that hole! (WHICH ONE?) The big one! (WHICH BIG ONE?) The one by Ned! (NED’S IN BED!) Then patch the one beneath his bed! [Verse 4] The bosun swore the compass lied, The captain swore the stars had died, The mate said east was somewhere west, And Jim said north was “more a guess,” We argued till the sun went down, Then saw the lights of Nassau town, We’d sailed all day with skill and pride, And made a circle with the tide. [Crew] THREE DAYS! [Lead] Three bloody days. [Verse 5] That night the rats declared a war, And marched in columns cross the floor, They took the bread, they took the cheese, They took Bill’s trousers to his knees, We armed ourselves with spoon and knife, And fought like hell to save our life, By dawn we’d won, or so we thought, Then saw the captain’s hat get caught. [Chorus] Three days out of Nassau, And everything has gone to hell, The rats have formed a government, And frankly they are running well, Three days out of Nassau, No man has slept since yesterday, If this is how the voyage starts, We’ll all be dead by Saturday. [Bridge] [Lead sailor interrogates the crew] Who tied that knot? (NOT ME!) Who broke that oar? (NOT ME!) Who drank the gin? (NOT ME!) Who set fire to the cabin door? [Silence] [Small voice] ...Tom. [Crew] TOM’S OVERBOARD! [Small voice] Then somebody else. [Verse 6] On Thursday morning rain came down, And soaked each boot from heel to crown, The powder turned to muddy clay, The charts all washed themselves away, A gull flew through the captain’s pane, Then stole his wig and left again, The captain watched it disappear, And quietly asked if shore was near. [Verse 7] We finally fixed the broken mast, The leak was holding, tied and fast, The rats retreated to the stern, And every man began to learn, Then from below there came a cry, A smell rose up enough to die, The cook looked pale, the bosun swore, We’d stored the powder by the floor. [Lead] What floor? [Crew] THE WET ONE. [Lead] What powder? [Crew] THE WET ONE. [Lead] Wonderful. [Final Chorus] [Whole crew, loud and gleefully miserable] Three days out of Nassau, And everything has gone to hell, The mast is tied with someone’s shirt, And no one knows what’s in the well, Three days out of Nassau, But somehow still we sail away, If this is how the voyage starts, We’ll all be dead by Saturday. [Final Chorus Repeat] [More chaotic, overlapping voices] Three days out of Nassau, We’ve lost the map and lost the grog, The captain’s wig is somewhere south, And Jim is arguing with a dog, Three days out of Nassau, And still the bloody ship won’t sink, So raise whatever drink remains, And try your very best not to think! [Outro] [Exhausted voices] Three days out of Nassau... [Crew] Still alive. [Lead] Barely. [Crew] Still sailing. [Lead] Wrong direction. [Crew] Still together. [Lead] Unfortunately. [Long pause] [Single sailor] Captain? [Captain] What? [Single sailor] Nassau’s behind us again. [Captain] Don’t tell the crew. [Crew] WE HEARD THAT.
