(Intro) (Fast, aggressive drum intro, feedback-heavy guitar riff) (Spit it out!) ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! (Verse 1) Got my badge around my neck like a corporate leash Living in the belly of the tech-bro beast The CEO is preaching 'bout a "global vision" While I’m trapped inside a digital, fluorescent prison Here comes the director in his Patagonia vest Telling me we gotta "optimize the stress" He doesn't write a line, he doesn't know the code Just another parasite heavy on the load! (Chorus) Mid-level managers! Directors at the top! Parasites of progress, when's it gonna stop? You're a spreadsheet dictator, a PowerPoint king You don't do a damn thing! (No you don't!) You don't do a damn thing! (Verse 2) Let’s sync up, let’s pivot, let’s take it offline Another useless meeting just to waste my time The Scrum Master's power-tripping on a daily standup Got a metrics-driven boot trying to keep my hand up "Synergy! Agility! Circle back to me!" It's a weaponized vocabulary vocabulary! You hide behind the KPIs to cover up the fact That your entire existence is a theatrical act! (Chorus) Mid-level managers! Directors at the top! Parasites of progress, when's it gonna stop? You're a spreadsheet dictator, a PowerPoint king You don't do a damn thing! (No you don't!) You don't do a damn thing! (Bridge) (Tempo slows slightly, heavy bassline, sneering vocals) Oh, "circle back"? How about you circle down the drain? Your artificial intelligence is rotting my brain. "Bandwidth check!" "Deliverable due!" The biggest bottleneck in this company is YOU. Yeah, you! With your equity options and your fragile ego. Sucking up to the VP everywhere that we go. LEACH! (Guitar Solo) (Fast, messy, chaotic punk rock solo — lots of string bends and distortion) (Verse 3) Friday afternoon, you drop a critical bug Then you walk right out the door with a self-satisfied shrug You call it leadership, I call it a scam I'm throwing a wrench right into your program! (Outro) Delete the Slack! Trash the Jira board! We’re cutting the cord! You’re not a visionary, you’re just a middleman! (Middleman!) Just an asshole with a master plan! (Go to hell!) (Final, abrupt crash on a distorted chord)
