# CHRISTMAS AT THE BAR (MUUUHH!) *Dirty Christmas Party Rock / Southern Boogie* [Intro - Spoken, raspy male voice] Well, it's Christmas Eve... And I ain't going home! There's a cow in the corner, And a bartender named Joe... And somebody stole Santa's pants! [Drums kick in] MUUUUHHH! [Verse 1] Christmas at the bar, Riding that cow till I drop, Dropping Jägerbombs all night, And I don't know when to stop! Till the music ain't coming through, And the cow says MUUUHH! Yeah, the cow says MUUUHH! Got tinsel in my beard, And a beer inside my shoe, There's a reindeer on the dance floor Doing things he shouldn't do. Santa's lost his sleigh keys, Mrs. Claus is getting loud, And I'm hanging upside down On a mechanical cow! [Pre-Chorus] The bartender's yelling, "Boy, you've had enough!" I said, "It's Christmas, baby, And this cow ain't that tough!" [Chorus] MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Christmas at the bar! We're riding that crazy cow, We ain't getting very far! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Let the Jägerbombs drop! It's a ho-ho-holiday, And we ain't gonna stop! Hey! Raise your glass! Shake your ass! Santa's having Christmas With the working class! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Can you hear that cow? It's Christmas at the bar, And we're raising hell right now! [Verse 2] Rudolph's at the jukebox, Playing ZZ Top, Santa's doing tequila shots, And he just can't stop. There's an elf behind the counter With a tattoo on his neck, And Frosty's in the bathroom Trying to find his missing head. The Christmas tree is leaning, Someone's sleeping on the floor, A snowman stole my jacket And went dancing out the door. I climbed back on that cow, Said, "This time I'm staying on!" But the bastard hit the turbo, And my Christmas pants were gone! [Pre-Chorus] The whole damn bar went silent, Then somebody shouted, "WOW!" I landed in the peanuts, And I heard that bloody cow! [Chorus] MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Christmas at the bar! We're riding that crazy cow, We ain't getting very far! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Let the Jägerbombs drop! It's a ho-ho-holiday, And we ain't gonna stop! Hey! Raise your glass! Shake your ass! Santa's having Christmas With the working class! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Can you hear that cow? It's Christmas at the bar, And we're raising hell right now! [Instrumental Break - Wild slide guitar solo, honky-tonk piano, pounding drums] [Bridge - Spoken dialogue] Bartender: "LAST CALL!" Singer: "WHAT?" Bartender: "I SAID LAST CALL!" Singer: "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" [Music stops] Cow: "Muuuuuh..." Singer: "Oh, shut up!" [Band crashes back in] [Verse 3] Now the clock is striking midnight, And the speakers sound like mud, I've got glitter in my pockets, And some eggnog in my blood. Santa's passed out on a barstool, His red hat's on the floor, And that damn mechanical cow Is calling out for more! So I climb up one more time, With my dignity on loan, The bartender shakes his head And starts calling someone home. I hold on for seven seconds, Then I fly across the room, And the whole bar starts to holler Like a herd beneath the moon! [Final Chorus - Faster, full band] MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Christmas at the bar! We're riding that crazy cow, We ain't getting very far! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Let the Jägerbombs drop! It's a ho-ho-holiday, And we ain't gonna stop! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! The whole damn bar goes wild! Santa's lost his trousers, And he's laughing like a child! MUUUHH! MUUUHH! Everybody shout it now! It's Christmas at the bar, AND THE COW SAYS MUUUHH! [Outro - Music slows, drunken spoken voice] Well... I lost my hat... I lost my shoes... I think I lost my Christmas spirit too... [Pause] But I found the cow. [Long silence] MUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH! [Final guitar crash]
